Motivated Hopefully - Day 1

I've been thinking about blogging but haven't been doing it. I don't feel like wondering why but blogging sits on a ledge in the corner of my mind dangling her feet and wondering what to say. I got motivated today, I hope. Effy Wild from Artfully Wild Blog Along on Facebook started the April blogging challenge again this year. Yay! I'm glad I found it on April 5th and not the 25th. At least I have time to catch up.

I've been playing with a digital art program, Procreate on my ipad with the apple pencil.  Sometimes I think it's fun but it's also frustrating. There is so much to learn about layering, drawing and painting tools and colors. So I watch a Youtube video about how procreate works and practice. 

I think once I learn how procreate works more thoroughly, I will enjoy creating more.

Blogging Day14 - Dabbling with Art - My Way

I've been reading your blogs on here and many of you are sharing your art.  I went through a little spell of wondering what am I doing on here? I have not posted one thing about art.  Then the "little but not so quiet voice" within said, "You do create art. You take pictures!"  Yes I love taking pictures.  When my husband and I go out for a walk mine ends up being a stroll because I'm often stopping to take pictures.   He wants to get his heart rate up and I want to get my art heart rate up.   

A leaf I brought home from my walk

Playing with soap bubbles

I also like playing on Picmonkey, a digital art program.  I created some things on there that I will share with you.  I'm not trying to advertise though. 

Morning Sun Rays I photographed

Picture I found on the internet which I added to Pic Monkey

Online picture I loved

I have painted and sketched.  I don't know what's holding me back but something is.  I painted this years ago.  

Blogging Day 13 Betty White and the Golden Girls

Almost every night before I go to bed I watch a couple episodes of the Golden Girls on Hulu. They are 3 women who decided to live together in Miami.   Along comes Dorothy's mother, Sophia, so now there's four women living together.  These shows aired from September 14, 1985, to May 9, 1992.  

Blanche was the sexy Golden Girl who had no problem talking about her "conquests".  Dorothy was the carmudgen,  Rose was the loveable airhead and Sophia's mouth had no filter.  Some have criticized the show for being so sarcastic with put downs and I will admit some of them were mean but still it's a very funny series. 

My friend Carole and I talked about forming our own Golden Girls home but so far it hasn't happened.  Who knows what life will bring? 

If any of you like the show, who do you identify with?  I kind of like Blanche myself, although I'd probably be cast as Sophia...

Blog 12 Relaxing in the sunrise

Happy Monday everyone.  I hope it's a good day for you. Mercury finally went direct yesterday but we have to wait until it goes back to the degree where it went retrograde until we are fully out of it. That will be May 3rd.  But the energy is easier now. 

I thought I'd share a video I made.  I hope that it helps your week start better and easier.

Day 11 A Field of Wishes

I saw this picture on my friend's Facebook page and it spoke to me. 

 A FIELD OF WISHES.

Remember when we were children and blew these, watching these puffy seeds float off into the air? It felt magical.

What if we were able to get our wishes fulfilled just by blowing on these dandelions?  What would we wish for? What if we received our wishes as soon as we asked for them?  Sometimes I think we'd be sorry we wished for this or that because we hadn't though it through how our life might change.

What would you wish for? Of course I'd wish for good health, love, peace, healing for our country and the world.  But I wouldn't mind a nice lottery winnings, more creative ideas among other things.

I'd love to read about your wishes if you'd like to share.

Blogging Day 10 Sad Movie Brought Up A Lot of Thoughts

I just finished watching one of the saddest movies ever.
This was free on Roku today. My husband had seen it before but I hadn't so we watched it together.

The movie was 

with Richard Gere.   Such a love story between a man and his dog.  No, the dog doesn't die. I don't want to give the plot away but when Richard dies the dog sits at the train station and waits for him to get off the train and come home.  Spring, summer, fall, winter Hachi sits.  As the tears streamed down my face and I stifle back sobs I think about this love and loyalty.  

Here is a preview: 

Yes it is hard to lose someone you love, grief is such an all encompassing emotion but we cannot explain death to animals.  They must feel so abandoned.  Yes people feel abandoned too.  I know I did when my daddy died.   So empty, so bereft.  I remember going into is closet, smelling his clothes and sobbing.   I remember a few years ago going to pay my respects to some friends who lost their mother and seeing the father sitting beside the casket, their dog sitting beside him.  Such an emotional picture, so poignant. I had to hold back my sobs until I got back to the car.

Children don't  understand death so do they wait and wait for their parent to come home?  How does one explain this to a child?  What about someone who is mentally impaired.  Can they understand? Would they sit by a door and wait?

We've seen videos about dogs who greet their owners who have been deployed for years.  

A friend told me that after her mother got dementia she would forget that her husband had died and would ask where is he? My friend reminded her that he'd died.  She realized that her mother had to grieve all over again each time, so she stopped saying he'd died and said he was out fishing or doing something else.

Yes this is a tear jerker, I admit.  Life can feel so empty when someone we love dies and won't be coming home again. 

Blogging Day 8 Mistaken Identity

 Mistaken Identity

My mother didn’t know who I was. When I was born she treated me as if she owned me. As Alan Cohen writes in his book, Dare to Be Yourself, “Like an eagle, we have suffered under a case of mistaken identity.” Mother taught me about fear. I learned them well. I forgot that I was a magnificent individual born with a purpose. The teachers told me I was dumb. They didn’t realize what a magnificent soul they were talking to. The kids called me quiver lip, harelip and ugly. One little girl named Selma said she’d be my friend when nobody was around but wouldn’t like me when the other kids were there. I was so desperate to be liked, that I let that be okay with me.

For years I tried to fit in so I’d be liked. I obeyed and smiled, was patted on the head and told what a good girl I was and oh so sweet. I liked that so I became even sweeter and would go out of my way to do things for people whether I wanted to or not.

I remember one Christmas dinner my aunt asked me to run upstairs to her room and get her cigarettes. “When will I be old enough so I can say no?” I asked. Her face stopped smiling as she answered coldly, “Never mind, I’ll get them myself.” I learned not to speak up for fear of disapproval.

When did I wake up? There were signs when I’d talk to Rev Mary L Kupferle, the minister of the Lake Worth, Florida Unity church. I’d write letters to her and tell her how scared I was and how I didn’t fit in. She would remind me that I didn’t have to follow in my mother’s footsteps. I loved Mary Kupferle and she let me write the program for her Wednesday noon service. She even paid me to type one of her books for her. She saw some of my greatness. I was so amazed when I read her obituary that she and my mother were born the same year. What a difference between two women.

My friend Ed caught a glimmer of who I was. He was the kind of friend who looked straight into my eyes as I talked and really heard me. One day we met in a Sundry store downtown Lake Worth, Fl. I showed him that one of the stories I’d written was published in a magazine that was on the shelf. He picked it up and walked around the store showing it to everyone who came in, telling them that I wrote it and pointed to me. What fun that was! We took our raggedy Ann and Andy dolls to the mall one afternoon and had them talk to people walking by. Some liked it, others scowled while some ignored us altogether. Ed and I were kindred spirits on some level. His birthday was the day before mine. I miss Ed and Mary and hope they greet me when it’s my turn to pass over.

Bernie, my husband tells me I can do it and when I was doing tarot readings at Duffy’s Sports Bar he’d tell me he heard people say they loved my readings and how good I was. He likes to brag about my talents and he has encouraged me. I’ve been blessed having him as my help mate.

When I joined ThrivingNow, Rick Wilkes and Cathy Vartuli saw my greatness. They encourage me and Cathy often says, “You Rock, Jean!” As I’ve been working with them using Emotional Freedom Technique EFT-tapping, I’ve learned to love myself even when I felt stupid or unworthy. Rick and Cathy tapped on these feelings with me during our calls and in private sessions to help me release those unworthy feelings and to love that real, vulnerable person I really am. I can truly say I love myself no matter what. It is not saying I am perfect because no one can be, but to love my humanness, my spirit.

Whether or not I actually fulfill my reason for being born, my potential remains to be seen. Maybe I am fulfilling it now as I write, teach and help people find their own wonderful selves. Maybe that’s what my life is about – courage despite traumas, love despite bullying and glimpses of freedom despite the heavy lessons of fear. Like the eagle, I say Jean Maurie, come forth and claim your true identity and soar! Be one with that great mind that created you and everyone else! Let the resurrection begin!

Blogging Day 6 Finding Funny Stuff or I Need to Laugh

I have an "off the wall"  sense of humor and I love it.  My mother would look at me and ask, "how can you laugh at a time like this?"  I don't mean funeral times or anything like that, but when I am feeling anxious or panicky.  I don't know why but I just do.

I love smiley faces and have a few in my room.  I was looking for some smiley drapes at one time but never did find them. 

I created a Fun Facebook page  where I post funny memes, videos or whatever.  So when I feel depressed or out of sorts I love to cruise the internet or Facebook for things to laugh at.  It helps.

I love videos of animals eating. A few of my posts might be over the top or have some colorful language.

Here is another of my favorites...

I know, silly and I hope this got you giggling a little.  If you want more hop on over to my Fun Page and read more. 

Blogging Day 5 - School Made me Feel Dumb, Stupid, Useless

I watched a video on Facebook today and a lot of emotions came up about how dumb I felt in school.  One reason was that I was hard of hearing and would you believe I didn't know it?  I knew I wasn't understanding things but never realized it was because I couldn't hear well.  Back in those days no one thought to check children's hearing.  No, they just thought I wasn't paying attention and scolded me or told me to "pay attention". That didn't help.  Instead I felt stupid.

One day I remember standing at the blackboard trying to work out a math problem.  I wasn't good at math to begin with but the teacher was trying to help and called on another child to tell me what to do. I couldn't hear the child and kind of fumbled around feeling dumber and dumber.  The class started laughing at me and I wanted to just run away, run home. Many times I would stare out the window wishing I could leave and go home. But I knew they would bring me back to school and scold me.  I even liked being sick so I didn't have to go to school.  This was the beginning of a school phobia and led to Agoraphobia.  I would have stomach aches every morning when I'd have to go to school and they thought I was "pretending".  This went on for twelve years. This is actually a form of Trauma and Flight or Freeze. I froze because of feeling stupid, inept and I couldn't flee.

I didn't know I had a brain in my head until I was 35 and sitting in a used book store among college graduates holding my own in the conversation. When I realized I actually was intelligent it was like a light was switched on.  I did love to read and was a voracious reader but I didn't realize I was actually smart.

Fast forward to now, I realize that if school had been different and my needs were listened to, things could have been a lot different. I'm not angry about it, there is no point to holding grudges but wow, I would have loved to have gone to school like today with internet, Google and homeschooling!

Here is the video that started my feelings and writing the blog.

Blogging Day 4 Fifty Five Years of Journaling

I have been keeping a journal since 1963 and have over fifteen filled notebooks dated and with numbered pages (at least on the earlier ones).  I am not going to digitize them.  Some of the ink on the pages has faded.  What do I do with these? 

There is a book called The Gentle Art of Death Cleansing which I haven't read yet.  But I read some articles about it and she says to get rid of journals! No one wants them.  Really?  I would love to read my Mother, Grandmother or Aunt's journals. I love to read journal books like  Journal of a Solitude by May Sarton.  My friend suggests donating them to a college.  However I doubt that they'd want it.

Just like our grandparents china, jewelry and furniture isn't wanted by this generation of young people.  I've heard and read that people are having a hard time getting rid of our Grandparents and parents "stuff".  No one wants piano's anymore.  It is a different world!

These journals tell my story about having panic attacks and anxiety and not knowing what was wrong with me until I discovered I had Agoraphobia.   I wrote about what I did to try and get rid of the panic attacks.  I wrote about different methods I discovered and the various therapies I tried.

I wrote about arguments I had with my mother and more.  It was good for me to write and I'm sure it helped my mental health.  I don't feel much like keeping a journal anymore. Blogging and emails seem to satisfy me now.

But what do I do with my journals? I'm almost 82. I doubt if I'll write my memoirs.  Who would read them? Would I have time?  Do I even want to spend the energy on this?  Probably not unless I was totally alone with no distractions.

So if you read this I would be interested in ideas, suggestions.  Thanks.

Blogging Day 3 Addicted to Magazines

MY NAME IS JEAN AND I AM ADDICTED TO MAGAZINES!

Ok now I got that out of the way.  Before we moved I downsized big time.  I got rid of a lot of my magazine clutter.

Yes I still have a few piles of magazines I want to go through, like my Writer's Digest issues and The Sun magazines. I think I got rid of my pile of Twilight Zone magazines but there are still some boxes in the shed to go through, so maybe I didn't.  I sort of hope not.

Now I have other ways to get magazines that satisfy and feed my addiction. (I don't consider all addictions bad).  My library offers RBdigital.  Here is where we can download magazines electronically as in "borrowing" from the library. This includes Readers Digest, Our State (NC), National Geographic, Taste of Home, Better Homes and Garden, Oprah, Food Network, Quilting, Rolling stone and more... I can enlarge the pages on my ipad, phone or computer to make the print easier to read. It's like reading a large print book.  Oh yes, we can borrow books and audio books on RBdigital too.

I also subscribed to Texture.  What a fabulous place this is for feeding my magazine addiction.  I got a 30 day free trial and after that I had to pay.  I love PEOPLE magazine so that is a bit extra.  But my office isn't cluttered like it used to be.  All my magazines are online now.  I even subscribe to Writer's Digest and The Sun online.  Every time I get groceries I look at the magazines as I stand in line and before subscribing to Texture I would impulsively grab a People or Woman's World as a reward to myself.  Now I look at these displays and realize I really am saving money and clutter.

No more piles of magazines!!!

Blogging Day 2 --The Miracles in my Instant Pot

I have always liked the idea of cooking in a pressure cooker but I was terrified of them.  We bought one from QVC and were both afraid to use it even though they are supposed to be safe. No more exploding pots with peas on the ceiling or mashed potatoes on the walls.  But still we were too scared to try cooking in it and I don't like to admit it but we gave it away brand new.

Ok fast forward awhile when I started reading about the Instant Pot.   What is an Instant Pot? I didn't know so I went to You Tube and started watching videos!  I was mesmerized.  "I can do this!" I told myself. So I went to Amazon and ordered the 6 qt one.   I joined several online Instant Pot groups on Facebook and Googled Instant Pot recipes.  So the fun began.

I bought a 3 lb boneless chuck roast and followed a recipe I found online.  Because my IP is not oblong I had to cut the roast into 3 or 4 pieces. It has a saute button so I pushed it and put some olive oil in the pot and put in the meat to brown.  After the meat was all browned I took it out with tongs and put it on a plate. Then I started adding my vegetables - sliced onions, carrots, celery, mushrooms and seasonings.  When they were lightly sauteed I added the meat back, added a can of beef Consume (beef broth works too) and a half a can of water and whole peeled potatoes.   I pushed the off button, put the lid on, turned it to seal and pushed the manual button the + adjusted it to 55 minutes. The pot had to build up steam, so it took longer than 55 minutes but basically about ten minutes. Then I checked to see if the little silver button was popped up, show it had built up to pressure.  Then it started counting down. After it reached 55 minutes it beeped and I released the pressure by turning the release knob carefully to let out all the steam.  When it stopped hissing and the silver button was down, I opened the lid and took out everything onto a serving plate.  I mixed up some corn starch slurry and whisked it into the remaining liquid, making a delicious thickened gravy.

Here is the result:  A delicious, melt in our mouths tender pot roast with cooked vegetables and potatoes.  A One pot meal.   

I've made this several times along with pork chops, the most delicious rice and chicken I've ever eaten and spaghetti where I push uncooked pasta into the sauce, cover the pot and cook for TEN minutes!  Yes, 10 minutes for delicious spaghetti with enough left over for 3 more meals.

I call these my miracles in my Instant pot. I bought a second pot which has come in handy.

I am not an affiliate for the Instant Pot but one can make yogurt in it,  and it can be used as a slow cooker, and more.  I've even read about people making cheesecake in the pot and cooking hard boiled eggs.  It's amazing what this little pot can do and the price is under $100! I will never be without one now.

 Spaghetti in my Instant Pot

Spaghetti on my plate.

Day 1 April Blogging - Downsizing, Piano Lessons and More

When I read that Effy invited us blog for the month of April I got excited.  I do like to blog but don't always know what to say.  Like I said, I got excited.  Then the thought of having to think what to blog about for a whole month made me feel tired.  "I don't want to HAVE to blog every day" I told a friend.  I still feel somewhat the same way.  But I will try and not be too hard on myself if it doesn't  happen.

We moved last summer after downsizing from a 2 story house with a full basement into a one level manufactured home in an over 55 development.  It is lovely with a big clubhouse that has a library, a workout room and kitchen and dining.  There are monthly potluck dinners and special get-togethers.  We have a place to walk that is flat which is good living in the mountains. There is a lovely park and a library branch directly across the street. We love living here. Our other house was on top of a mountain and we got snowed in a lot during the winter.  We had 14 stairs to climb from the garage to the kitchen and that got old. Every time we come home from grocery shopping we are thankful we can walk right into the kitchen and not up all those stairs. Not only that but I have a washer and dryer right off the kitchen behind bifold doors.  I now LOVE doing laundry. No more hauling laundry up and down the stairs from the basement.

This "new" house was completely furnished including a piano. I've heard that it is hard to get rid of a piano these days.  We tried but no one wants to haul it away. So I decided to play. I have several boxes of music that I'd collected over the years that are still packed away.  But this wasn't how I wanted to play anymore.  A friend told me about a piano course on Udemy for only $9.  I thought that was too good to be true.  What a surprise though.  It is all about learning chords and how to play open chords, closed ones and how to change chords easily moving up and down the keyboard.  Then it goes on to explain and show how to add rhythm.  So different than when I was a child taking piano lessons.  I hated practicing so bad I spent that time standing in the corner for punishment. It wasn't fun. But playing chords is fun.  I had so much fun that I bought two more courses and I just play as I want, no "shoulds", no pressure.  Because the courses are online I can access them any time I want. 

The piano needs work.  It needs tuning and something was spilled on the keys.  I can use it as is.  I'm not sure who to call for an estimate yet.  I do have a portable keyboard though, so I will always have something to play on.

Singing and Healing

Day 17 Nudge: Show off without apologizing

When I was a little girl I loved to sing.  I was in the choir and sometimes got too enthusiastic.  One day my aunt told me that Mrs. G told her to tell me not to sing too loud because I couldn't carry a tune.  That was the end! No more singing for me.

Fast forward 60+ years we discovered karaoke.  I still loved music but there was no way in hell I was going to get up and sing.  My husband had no problems singing without even rehearsing.

Something inside of me wanted to get up and sing just like I loved to do as a child.  But I was too scared. And I mean SCARED.  I couldn't carry a tune, remember?

Two of the regulars invited me to sit between them and sing a song I knew and they would sing with me to make it easier.  They let me pick out a song.  It was the Girl From Ipanema.  I sang it with them and I think I shook for the rest of the evening.

"All you have to do is practice," people would say trying to be helpful. 
"Practice what?  How do I know if I am practicing the right notes?"  No one could really answer my question.

Someone told me a male that came to karaoke was a high school choir director and pointed him out to me.  "Maybe he could help you."

For a few weeks I was too nervous to ask him but finally I did.  I asked him how does one practice singing and know if they are practicing the right way?  He told me things about vocalizing and cupping my ear so I could hear my own voice when I sang.   I asked him if he would be willing to teach me and if so how much did he charge.  We made an appointment for me to meet him where he teaches and he would listen to me sing and see if I was teachable.

I don't know where I got the nerve but this voice in my head that was put there by my choir director through my aunt wanted healing. So at 70 1/2 I took singing lessons.  I was anxious before every lesson but once I got into it I had fun.  I learned I had a bigger singing range than I knew. But because of a hearing loss in one ear I couldn't always hear when I went sharp or flat.  But I kept on.

One thing he told me is that if I don't keep up with vocalizing my voice would go back to what it was before and even worse. He was right. When I sing I cough now.  I found some really fun vocalizing videos online and keep promising myself I will sing again.   Maybe I will, maybe I won't, but I did heal that voice from my childhood and I am pretty proud of myself whether I sing again or not.

Here I am singing one of my favorite songs at karaoke.

Fly Free or Schedule?

Day 18 - Share a life hack.

My schedule is pretty light so I use a Celestial Guide to list my appointments.   It shows where the planets are for that day and in what signs.  In the back of the Guide is a month by month list of what is going on with the planets, full moons, eclipses, when Mercury goes retrograde or direct. It is very handy for me.  I've used these for many years.

I will admit that I want to be more of a fly by the seat of my pants person.  I so dislike schedules.  Of course I have to have them but hey if you wanna go out to dinner just call me or I'll call you and see if we're free.

I get my haircut at a walk-in place and if they are too filled up I leave and go back another day.

Of course I can't do that with clients and doctor or dentist appointments but I leave a lot of room for myself.  

Just the other day after reading the blog I posted with a video with Alan Watts I realized, "Hey I'm 81, what goals am I trying to reach?"  Why hurry?  Why do I have to work so hard on myself?  Who am I trying to change for?  When am I going to realize "I'm pretty good right now, so just sit back, write, play your games, enjoy your husband and indulge in binging with Netflix or Hulu, blog if you want but be here and now, not in the past or future."

Here is a self-care blog I wrote in May.  

http://angelsloveyou.blogspot.com/2017/05/taking-time-for-ourselves-without.html

Miracles

Day 15 Today's nudge - What is something you know for sure?

We are Miracles!  All of us!  Life is a Miracle! Even though we can create life in test tubes we can't actually make the cells and put all the atoms together to create a human. We cannot put the veins and blood vessels together or make eyes or ears that work.  So if anyone doubts that Miracles don't exist just think of how we are so wonderfully made.

We don't know how to make a cloud that stays in the sky, we don't know how to make the sun rise and set.  We don't know how to create a tree from a seed or how to keep a bird flying.  

I Need Light, Lots of Light!

Day 14 Today's Nudge is to share something that isn't widely known about me.

I need light!  I need lots of light in my environment.

We recently moved into a 2 bedroom home so I had to get creative setting up my office/bedroom.  For a couple of months it felt gloomy in here and I didn't know what was wrong.  We had set my computer and chair up with my back to the windows.  I kept the blinds down.  I just didn't want to be in the room but I didn't know why.

Finally today I realized what I needed.  I needed not to have my back against the window.  I needed to raise my blinds and be able to see out.  

So we moved furniture around and now I can see out! I felt the difference immediately.  This is my office in progress. 

I have more space in front of me now and room to put a picture on the wall in front of me that will cheer me up even more. So I ordered this print in a larger size.  It will be here on Monday and I am excited to see it on my wall.

I don't need to be at the beach to enjoy it.  I remember so well what it felt like to lay on the beach and swim in the ocean.

So mentally I can imagine/remember how it feels and go there again in my mind.  This is a form of meditation and I can put on my headphones and listen to the sounds of the ocean or any relaxing music I want.

Let there be light and there is!

Dear Friend

Day 13 - Reminisce 

Did you ever have a friend who really listened to you?  Someone who would look you in the eye and actually hear what you had to say?

I had a friend like that.  His name was Ed and he was a photographer.  I met him at a party.  We got into a discussion about whether I thought gay men should be allowed to adopt children.  He and his then partner had thought about it.

After the party we would see each other downtown and one day Ed invited me to come up to his darkroom to see his pictures, so I did.  I loved looking at all his photographs and later we went out for lunch.

I found out his birthday was the day before mine.  No wonder we clicked.  Ed liked to fix delicious meals and I got to be the recipient.  We had long lunches with deep discussions.  Several times we celebrated our birthdays together.

We were both into Primal Scream Therapy to heal our inner wounds and many times I would put music on to help him get into his feelings. So while he laid on his pad and sobbed I'd do the dishes and change the music.  There was something about that time (early 70s) that was oddly fulfilling.

One day we went to the Mall with our Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls and pretended they were doing all the talking.  It was funny how some people would say hi back to them while others scowled at us and told us to "grow up." 

I was writing Confession stories then and the magazine that my story was published in had come out on the newsstand.  Ed walked into the store that day and I showed him the magazine with my story in it.  He picked up the magazine, opened it to my story and carried it around showing people in the store that I had written it.  It was a bit embarrassing but fun too.

Ed's brother was a cafe singer in NYC and when he visited Ed he would play the piano for us and sing his songs.

Ed was in his late 40s and one day a mutual friend phoned me with the horrible news that Ed was dead.  His brother had come to visit but didn't know where he was.  Finally he found him dead in his studio.  I was heartbroken as were his other friends.  Ed was working on a photo exhibit and wanted me to write his press release which turned into his obituary.  There were rumors about how he died but only his brother knew for sure.   I still miss Ed and hope he is the first one I meet when I die.

RIP Dear Friend

Angel Card Readings

Today is give something away day -  Blog 11:

What would you like? I've been thinking about this all day.  Do I share a piece of writing?  I have a couple of videos I created but I'm not sure that is exactly a give away.

I decided to pull an angel card for you if you want one. 

You can comment on this post and tell me you want an angel card and I post it for you.  Or you can friend me on Facebook, private message me that you want me to pull an angel card for you. Whichever works for you.  I think 

I hope this sounds like fun.

My Life Purpose, What's Yours?

Day 10 Write about a Dream you Once had that you let go of and where did that lead you?

Gosh this feels heavy.  "What am I going to write about?" I wondered, as I pondered my life.  I could write that I wanted to be an Airline stewardess way back when but they wouldn't accept anyone with facial scars, thinking they were caused by an airline crash - plus I was too short. Then I thought about how I wanted to live and work in New York City. But mother told me if I left home before I was married she'd hire some strong men to come and bring me home.  At that time I didn't realize I had any power.  Oh yes I wanted to be a nurse until I was in a hospital elevator with my nurses club and smelled ether. I had a humongous panic attack from all the ether I had been given as a kid during my surgeries.  Another dream out.  So where did all this lead me?

I've mentioned in other blogs that I had PTSD from all my surgeries and not being allowed to express my feelings and a big school phobia that turned into agoraphobia. So I would say my search for healing led me to an interesting and fulfilling life.

Agoraphobia

 Okay so I started searching for ways to feel safer and less afraid.  I went every week for hypnosis which helped me relax a bit more. That was working good until they wanted to drug me.  I told them no and got dismissed.  I tried Biofeedback and it was one of the first times that I ever really felt totally relaxed.  Actually I had to relax to make biofeedback work.  I would love to have one of their machines to practice with now.  I went through 3 weeks of intense Primal Scream therapy and lost my fear of losing control and being locked up someday. That was promising but it was not practical to be primal screaming all the time, especially when we lived in my mother-in-law's guest house apartment to help her with the property.  So I had to close off some of my emotions again.  

I founded the Agoraphobics Anonymous in Palm Beach County back in 1978 with the help of a group from Miami and the local Mental Health Association.  I facilitated it for a year until I knew it was time to move on.

During this time a friend was studying Astrology. I really didn't know much about it and he offered to do my chart for me.  I got so interested in how there were so many different combinations of charts.  It was fascinating and showed me why some people are certain ways and other people see the world in other ways.  He also pointed out things in my chart that showed why I felt the way I did.  And he said a window of opportunity was coming for me to grow and get out more socially.  He said the window wouldn't close but if I used the energy it would make it much easier. So I did and started taking classes in Astrology.  My teacher also used Tarot cards and I got interested in how they worked and took many classes about reading the cards on many levels.  

I loved the idea of Angels and Guides helping us so I was playing around on AOL and typing in angel names.  I found Angels Love You which I grabbed and have kept ever since. I got it as my domain name and created a web page and a page on Facebook using it.

I have since discovered Emotional Freedom Technique where we tap on the acupuncture points expressing exactly how we feel instead of trying to push our feelings down and covering them up.  When people go through traumas their instincts are to Flee or Fight, but when they can't do either they Freeze.  There are many kinds of traumas and even little ones that go on and on can turn into Post Traumatic Stress.  Like someone who is afraid to go to school every day and no one believes she is afraid but thinks she is just being naughty.  When she isn't listened to then she can develop physical symptoms like headaches or stomach aches.  I experienced this myself and have read where children were taken to the doctors for this and they don't find anything wrong so they force them to go to school. It would be better if the child was listened to and the parents or doctor tried to find out what they are afraid of so they can release the fears or learn to use tools during fear/anxiety episodes.

I am going to share with you a video that Karin Davidson teaches a child how to use EFT for anger. 

Here is another video by Brad Yates helping a child acknowledge her fear and releasing it.






I am so glad I've gone through all this so I can help people.  It is one of my greatest joy in life to help someone feel better about themselves, to be able to acknowledge how they feel instead of putting on a happy face when they are suffering inside.  I have heard to "Feel the fear and do it anyway." But that is the hard way.  Yes there are many ways to work through feelings.  I honor this and can only say what works for me

Of course affirmations can work after we acknowledge our feelings and meditation also works.  (You don't have to clear your head of all thoughts to meditate either). 

I also call in my angels for myself and even when I'm tapping I call in my angels to help me release the stuck emotions. After a session with a client we pull an angel card or two.  It is so cool that the card that appears always is the perfect card for what we have been working on.  

Look, it worked again! Look at the card that fell out as I was shuffling asking for the perfect card for this blog.

"A dream come true! Believe in yourself. The end of a difficult situation."  Isn't that what the blog for today is all about?  I just love these cards and how the angels help us.