WHY DO WE ALWAYS COMPARE OURSELVES TO OTHERS?

A few weeks ago I met a group of people who'd I'd known online since about 2008.   I was a little nervous thinking about the meetup a week or so before. I imagined myself surrounded by a group of people and not being able to hear what was being said.  I tapped on it and worked with my coaches, Rick Wilkes and Cathy Vartuli who helped me realize I could speak up, say "I'm almost deaf in my right ear, and I'd like to switch places with you so I could hear better." Yes I could do that but it would feel awkward.  

Okay so Saturday night came and we drove up to the little Taco place in Asheville to meet these people, I was excited.   We all recognized each other and that was so cool! Here were some very lovely souls who I'd been reading their posts and been in groups with for almost seven years.  One lady was driving from New York to California with her children and she stopped here in Asheville to meet us all.  What fun!  We sat outside on benches while eating and talking.  My worry about not hearing well vanished, I had no problem.

Then the picture taking began.  I thought I was smiling.  Well I was but with my mouth closed.  I always feel self conscious about my teeth.  But we all feel self conscious about something don't we?  I've been learning about this in my Thriving Now tapping group.

This wonderful, fun evening felt good until later when I saw one of the pictures that was posted.  

I saw their fresh open faces and smiles and thought, "Oh I look like a crotchety old lady, ewwww"  It really did make me feel bad. Now I do know intellectually that we only make ourselves feel bad or good depending on how we think.  But that didn't help me when I looked at the picture.   Yes there were other good pictures but of course what do we usually focus on? The bad ones of course. Even famous writers and film stars latch on to the critical reviews even when they've read hundreds of wonderful ones. Why do we feel this need to focus on the negative instead?  Is this a human trait? Is it part of the lessons we're here on earth to learn?

I posted this picture and my feelings about it on the Thriving Now forum where I'm a member and one of the tribe members told me I was probably being too hard on myself. She posted a wonderful You Tube Video of Brad Yates tapping on comparing ourselves.




I tapped with it as I visualized myself in this picture and it helped a lot. This is when I decided to write this blog.  It does make me feel very vulnerable to write this and put it out on social media but if it helps anyone else to feel better about themselves it is worth it.  I hope the ladies in the picture don't mind me posting this.  

As Brad Yates says in this video "I'd rather love than compare and I am loving myself just as I am in body, mind and spirit."

Beautiful Meditation Music

Not Allowed Outside for 14 years

Imagine never being allowed to leave your house for 14 years unless you were accompanied by your parents! That's what happened to 6 brothers. 

I watched this on ABC 20/20 last night and was so fascinated that I rewound it and watched it again.  

These brothers, are called The Wolfpack.  For some reason they had access to movies.  10,000 movies!  They watched movies all day and memorized them.  Then they began to act out the movies and made props and costumes.  

After their father covered the windows so they couldn't see out, their claustrophobia got worse and one brave 15 year old boy named Makunda had to escape, so he went out after the father left to get groceries. He put on one of the masks from their movie props so his father wouldn't see him on the street.  He didn't know his address and wandered into a hospital and a grocery store.  With the mask on, it scared people and someone called the police. They started questioning him but he was told never to talk to strangers so he didn't answer and they took him to a hospital mental ward where he stayed for a week.  He loved it there.  As he said in the program he was curious.  His curiosity and need to get out helped change the dynamics for his brothers and mother.  I was totally immersed thinking what it must have been like for this family.  

Soon the other brothers got out and as fate would have it, since their whole life was about movies, the first person they met was a female film producer. She was fascinated in their story and documented their story and filmed their experiences as they discovered what life was like outside their home.   It is showing in theaters now and I'm looking forward to seeing the movie.  Here is a trailer of the documentary.

They were remarkably resilient and are now working.  Maybe it's because they were so connected and helped each other.  It makes me wonder what I would have been like had I had a twin sister or someone who helped me. Not that I was locked in my house but being agoraphobic is a bit similar. I wonder if any of these men will have problems later. Was this traumatic for them? Or was their bonding enough?  I certainly wish them well.

Jean Maurie's Spaghetti Sauce

I love making home made spaghetti sauce and freezing it into containers to eat over the next few weeks.  Here is my recipe:

First I grate a large Vidalia or Sweet onion and smoosh in a big garlic clove.  I saute them in olive oil.

 

 Then I add ground beef

 and brown it.

For you vegetarians, chopped up walnuts makes a good substitute for the ground beef.  I made this recipe at a vegetarian gathering with the walnuts and got lots of compliments.   

I assemble my tomato sauces and seasonings
and add fresh ground pepper, garlic salt, Parmesan cheese and a couple spoons of sugar.

Here's what it looks like all put together.  I cook it in the crock pot for a few hours.  The house smells wonderful.  Makes us hungry.

Wish there was Facebook when I was a new mother

I was just reading my Granddaughter's Facebook page to wish her a happy wedding anniversary but I didn't get to do it yet because I was reading some of the things  people posted on her page.  Her mother in-law posted a cute swing where you put the baby in the swing and you got on a swing in front of him and the two of you swing together. 

Another post was a picture of a tray for a toddler.  Here is what was written about it. "Toddlers do not eat much. Try using an ice tray to satisfy their bird-like appetites and for a fun, unique presentation. Be sure to throw in plenty of healthy choices like berries, peas, corn, cheese, cucumber, etc."

There was a post on how to take out splinters and Vicks vapoRub to put on the bottoms of feet to stop coughs.

I see links for parents who's baby won't sleep much which I found interesting. People commented and it seemed they were supporting each other. How comforting.

When I was a new mother in 1959 it was so lonely, especially since I had post-partum depression "baby blues"  that came on the day after my son's birth. I found myself crying for no reason at all.   He was a very light sleeper and would wake up every hour and a half fussing.  Of course I didn't know what was normal and what wasn't.  I felt so responsible and terrified.  I was so scared that I couldn't hear my own intuition.

Most of us mothers didn't go to work back then but were stay-at-home mothers with no day care.  I don't know what I would have done without the support of my family.  My mother lived about 5 miles or so away so I'd go up there and let my younger sister and brother play with my son.  It gave me some time to unwind and feel less stressful.

  

If we'd had social media back then we could have connected with each other and not have felt so isolated.  I know, Facebook and Twitter can be addictive but there is a lot of good too.  Yes "they" say we should have more face to face interaction but if we are shy and don't have a lot of friends or we live in rural areas social media can help us feel more connected. There are groups online now for people with post-partum depression, groups to help mother's breast feed, groups for parents of babies who don't sleep a lot.  How wonderful and comforting that would have been for me.  I wouldn't have felt so alone and scared. 

Wonderful Radio Shows

For Two years my co-host Maggie Lukowski and I hosted a wonderful radio show called Personal Empowerment For Your Soul on Thursdays at 1pm Eastern Time on Attune Magazine radio. We had some wonderful guests and learned a lot.  We thank Mary Nale from Attune Magazine for providing us this opportunity. 

We had a lot of fun. Radio has been in my blood since I played radio as a child with my cousin,Robin.  Later I hung out at radio stations and helped the Disc Jockeys by pulling records (yes we had vinyl records back in those days).
Once in a while they would let me dedicate a song to friends.

I had this dream of having my own late night radio talk show which didn't happen.  But I will say my show with Maggie was just as much fun and I got to sleep at night.

My mother was an Amateur radio operator (Ham) and I got into CB Radio in the 70s.  I stayed up half the night talking to people then. 

I want to share a list of our shows from Personal Empowerment For Your Soul so you can listen to them now.  

I have a new show called Angels Love You.  It is on Sunday's once a month.  

RESURRECTION with Ellen Burstyn Full Length Movie

I have a few favorite movies that I've loved forever. This one, Resurrection with Ellen Burstyn was hard to find. Today I found the full length movie on You Tube but it has been taken down.  

Resurrection is a story of a woman who survives a car accident which kills her husband, but she discovers that she has the power to heal other people. She is paralyzed after the accident and discovers she can heal herself. She becomes an unwitting celebrity, the hope of those in desperate need of healing, and a lightning rod for religious beliefs and skeptics. She has a Near Death Experience after the car crash and sees dead relatives. I posted a video to watch but unfortunately there were copyright problems so they took it off. It is a good movie and I hope you can find it someplace.

http://nhne-pulse.org/nde-ellen-burstyn-in-resurrection-a-fabulous-1980-movie/

Someone did post the movie again on You Tube but I'm not going to put the link here because of Copyright problems.  It looks like it's a hard movie to find but I think you can buy it on Amazon.