Tuesday, August 11, 2015

WHY DO WE ALWAYS COMPARE OURSELVES TO OTHERS?

A few weeks ago I met a group of people who'd I'd known online since about 2008.   I was a little nervous thinking about the meetup a week or so before. I imagined myself surrounded by a group of people and not being able to hear what was being said.  I tapped on it and worked with my coaches, Rick Wilkes and Cathy Vartuli who helped me realize I could speak up, say "I'm almost deaf in my right ear, and I'd like to switch places with you so I could hear better." Yes I could do that but it would feel awkward.  

Okay so Saturday night came and we drove up to the little Taco place in Asheville to meet these people, I was excited.   We all recognized each other and that was so cool! Here were some very lovely souls who I'd been reading their posts and been in groups with for almost seven years.  One lady was driving from New York to California with her children and she stopped here in Asheville to meet us all.  What fun!  We sat outside on benches while eating and talking.  My worry about not hearing well vanished, I had no problem.

Then the picture taking began.  I thought I was smiling.  Well I was but with my mouth closed.  I always feel self conscious about my teeth.  But we all feel self conscious about something don't we?  I've been learning about this in my Thriving Now tapping group.

This wonderful, fun evening felt good until later when I saw one of the pictures that was posted.  



I saw their fresh open faces and smiles and thought, "Oh I look like a crotchety old lady, ewwww"  It really did make me feel bad. Now I do know intellectually that we only make ourselves feel bad or good depending on how we think.  But that didn't help me when I looked at the picture.   Yes there were other good pictures but of course what do we usually focus on? The bad ones of course. Even famous writers and film stars latch on to the critical reviews even when they've read hundreds of wonderful ones. Why do we feel this need to focus on the negative instead?  Is this a human trait? Is it part of the lessons we're here on earth to learn?


I posted this picture and my feelings about it on the Thriving Now forum where I'm a member and one of the tribe members told me I was probably being too hard on myself. She posted a wonderful You Tube Video of Brad Yates tapping on comparing ourselves.




I tapped with it as I visualized myself in this picture and it helped a lot. This is when I decided to write this blog.  It does make me feel very vulnerable to write this and put it out on social media but if it helps anyone else to feel better about themselves it is worth it.  I hope the ladies in the picture don't mind me posting this.  

As Brad Yates says in this video "I'd rather love than compare and I am loving myself just as I am in body, mind and spirit."


10 comments:

PurpleDragon said...

Awesome, Jean! So glad you wrote this and are willing to share your vulnerability and courage. You are an inspiration to me.
(Big hugs)

Bernice Foster said...

Oh have i been there... and recently. Thank you for posting. You know, we can "see" each other's beauty and light so easily and it is sometimes so hard to recognize our own. Maybe this is why we get to have friends, family.. our circle..they are our true mirrors.

Bernice Foster said...

Oh have i been there... and recently. Thank you for posting. You know, we can "see" each other's beauty and light so easily and it is sometimes so hard to recognize our own. Maybe this is why we get to have friends, family.. our circle..they are our true mirrors.

Bernice Foster said...

Oh have i been there... and recently. Thank you for posting. You know, we can "see" each other's beauty and light so easily and it is sometimes so hard to recognize our own. Maybe this is why we get to have friends, family.. our circle..they are our true mirrors.

Jean Puhlman said...

Thank you Bernice and Blue Dragon for your comments. Yes it is hard to see ourselves as others see us. I am so glad I inspire others. It makes the journey, vulnerability and pain worthwhile

Love, Jean Maurie

Zen Miller said...

Ah, the meeting that I missed! Interestingly, I was hard on myself for not coming out! I had decided not to come and then a death in the family meant I would have had to cancel if I was scheduled.

One of the things I like about what you wrote is the simple fact that you are still working on yourself. Me, too. Do you know how many folks in our lovely world are 100% confident that they have it ALL figured out?! Alot. Not me. Damn, I think I might know the tip of a sharpened pencil amount. And I'm wise as hell!

I love you, Jean Maurie and we meet soon.

Tap, tap. Cross my heart.
Love,
Zen

Simone said...

This is a beautiful post, Jean. I so recognize myself in what you write! Actually, I feel that this is something I still need to work on! I will check out the YouTube video you shared!

Jean Puhlman said...

I am looking forward to meeting you, Zen. So sorry about the death in your family. ❤️

Jean Puhlman said...

Simone, I think most of us if we are honest with ourselves have felt vulnerable and not so good about ourselves. I am glad we co create together to help each other heal. ❤️

Jean Puhlman said...

Purple Dragon, not Blue Dragon. Thanks for your nice comment on my post. You inspire me too!