Feeling Stressed, Overloaded?

Are you feeling overloaded, frazzled, stressed? Do you have a lot on your mind or feeling like you are carrying too big of a load on your shoulders? If so, give yourself a gift. Stop for a moment, take some deep cleansing breaths and watch this video.

Blogging Day14 - Dabbling with Art - My Way

I've been reading your blogs on here and many of you are sharing your art.  I went through a little spell of wondering what am I doing on here? I have not posted one thing about art.  Then the "little but not so quiet voice" within said, "You do create art. You take pictures!"  Yes I love taking pictures.  When my husband and I go out for a walk mine ends up being a stroll because I'm often stopping to take pictures.   He wants to get his heart rate up and I want to get my art heart rate up.   

A leaf I brought home from my walk

Playing with soap bubbles

I also like playing on Picmonkey, a digital art program.  I created some things on there that I will share with you.  I'm not trying to advertise though. 

Morning Sun Rays I photographed

Picture I found on the internet which I added to Pic Monkey

Online picture I loved

I have painted and sketched.  I don't know what's holding me back but something is.  I painted this years ago.  

Blogging Day 13 Betty White and the Golden Girls

Almost every night before I go to bed I watch a couple episodes of the Golden Girls on Hulu. They are 3 women who decided to live together in Miami.   Along comes Dorothy's mother, Sophia, so now there's four women living together.  These shows aired from September 14, 1985, to May 9, 1992.  

Blanche was the sexy Golden Girl who had no problem talking about her "conquests".  Dorothy was the carmudgen,  Rose was the loveable airhead and Sophia's mouth had no filter.  Some have criticized the show for being so sarcastic with put downs and I will admit some of them were mean but still it's a very funny series. 

My friend Carole and I talked about forming our own Golden Girls home but so far it hasn't happened.  Who knows what life will bring? 

If any of you like the show, who do you identify with?  I kind of like Blanche myself, although I'd probably be cast as Sophia...

Blog 12 Relaxing in the sunrise

Happy Monday everyone.  I hope it's a good day for you. Mercury finally went direct yesterday but we have to wait until it goes back to the degree where it went retrograde until we are fully out of it. That will be May 3rd.  But the energy is easier now. 

I thought I'd share a video I made.  I hope that it helps your week start better and easier.

Day 11 A Field of Wishes

I saw this picture on my friend's Facebook page and it spoke to me. 

 A FIELD OF WISHES.

Remember when we were children and blew these, watching these puffy seeds float off into the air? It felt magical.

What if we were able to get our wishes fulfilled just by blowing on these dandelions?  What would we wish for? What if we received our wishes as soon as we asked for them?  Sometimes I think we'd be sorry we wished for this or that because we hadn't though it through how our life might change.

What would you wish for? Of course I'd wish for good health, love, peace, healing for our country and the world.  But I wouldn't mind a nice lottery winnings, more creative ideas among other things.

I'd love to read about your wishes if you'd like to share.

Blogging Day 10 Sad Movie Brought Up A Lot of Thoughts

I just finished watching one of the saddest movies ever.
This was free on Roku today. My husband had seen it before but I hadn't so we watched it together.

The movie was 

with Richard Gere.   Such a love story between a man and his dog.  No, the dog doesn't die. I don't want to give the plot away but when Richard dies the dog sits at the train station and waits for him to get off the train and come home.  Spring, summer, fall, winter Hachi sits.  As the tears streamed down my face and I stifle back sobs I think about this love and loyalty.  

Here is a preview: 

Yes it is hard to lose someone you love, grief is such an all encompassing emotion but we cannot explain death to animals.  They must feel so abandoned.  Yes people feel abandoned too.  I know I did when my daddy died.   So empty, so bereft.  I remember going into is closet, smelling his clothes and sobbing.   I remember a few years ago going to pay my respects to some friends who lost their mother and seeing the father sitting beside the casket, their dog sitting beside him.  Such an emotional picture, so poignant. I had to hold back my sobs until I got back to the car.

Children don't  understand death so do they wait and wait for their parent to come home?  How does one explain this to a child?  What about someone who is mentally impaired.  Can they understand? Would they sit by a door and wait?

We've seen videos about dogs who greet their owners who have been deployed for years.  

A friend told me that after her mother got dementia she would forget that her husband had died and would ask where is he? My friend reminded her that he'd died.  She realized that her mother had to grieve all over again each time, so she stopped saying he'd died and said he was out fishing or doing something else.

Yes this is a tear jerker, I admit.  Life can feel so empty when someone we love dies and won't be coming home again. 

Blogging Day 9 People Who Think They Know how Others Should Live Their Lives

My friend Reenee Cummins shared this picture on Facebook.  It spoke to me.   I am sure I have been guilty of doing this to other people, especially when I was younger and thought I knew how others should do things and when.  I was so bad back then.  I hope I don’t do it anymore. 

That cat looks quite sarcastic doesn’t it, or bored.  

Why this spoke to me is that when I was so agoraphobic I would get these intense stomach pains while trying to go to classes or church.  I remember wanting to go and driving there but I’d get into the parking lot and almost be doubled over by pain.   I’d drive away and the pain would go away.   Sometimes I drove back and went in, other times I’d go home. It was very tiring.  People would say, “Where were you?”  “Why didn’t you come to class?”  I would mumble something about not feeling well or use some other excuse. I was so afraid to tell them how weak it made me feel. Sometimes I would get brave and tell them about my fears.  “Oh just say affirmations or ask God to help you.”  I’d hear.  That hurt. Why? Because no one knew how often I did this.  I’d beg God to take this fear away.  I actually didn’t know what was wrong with me.  I thought someday I would lose control and get locked up someplace.  This was in the 1960s. 

Another time I was sitting in the middle row amongst people listening to a lecture I was interested in but I felt so trapped I felt like I needed to run.  My hands became clammy, I couldn’t concentrate on the talk, and I just needed to get out. But I didn’t want to bother anyone and I felt glued to the seat.  A friend told me to just excuse yourself, get up and get out. I didn’t know how. It was too scary. I haven’t put myself back in that position since.  I always sit on an aisle seat. 

Later I was watching the Phil Donahue show in the early 70s and there were people talking about having the same symptoms I did.  I was so excited to know there was a name for it and I wasn’t crazy after all. Dr. Hardy was a pioneer in treating Agoraphobia. 

Next came an article in the Good Housekeeping magazine about it and having self-help groups where people with these fears could help and support each other.  We didn’t have anything like this in Palm Beach County where I lived at the time so somehow I started one and facilitated it for a year.   I won’t go into the details but it was way out of my comfort zone.   I went through hypnosis, talk therapy, Primal Scream therapy and everything helped.   I’m now working with Emotional Freedom Technique – Tapping and it is very helpful.  I’m still not doing some of the things I would like to be doing but I am better.  I eat in restaurants and I can go to meetings if I want to. I don’t obsess so much about the physical symptoms that I feel but I have tapping and other tools to use.

I didn’t mean to go into this so much because this is about how people don’t seem to know what to say that is helpful.  Instead they try to tell you what to do and they can be very critical too.   Yes I tried positive thinking, meditation, affirmations but what I was actually doing was trying to cover up fears that were buried and suck it up.  It did work sometimes but mostly I felt like a loser and I was actually mad at my body.  I actually had therapists tell me how lucky I was that I felt pain when I tried to do something scary. I didn’t understand that until I got into Emotional Freedom (EFT).  Now I thank my body for trying to protect me.  When we get pains it is for a reason.  Being gentle with myself and thanking my body is much more helpful than being mad at it and tensing up.

From this I hope I’m more compassionate with people. I don’t tell them what to do or put them down for their pains.  Instead I ask them how it feels, listen with empathy and many times people feel safe enough to cry and let their feelings out.  I am so honored when they can share their vulnerability with me. 

Blogging Day 8 Mistaken Identity

 Mistaken Identity

My mother didn’t know who I was. When I was born she treated me as if she owned me. As Alan Cohen writes in his book, Dare to Be Yourself, “Like an eagle, we have suffered under a case of mistaken identity.” Mother taught me about fear. I learned them well. I forgot that I was a magnificent individual born with a purpose. The teachers told me I was dumb. They didn’t realize what a magnificent soul they were talking to. The kids called me quiver lip, harelip and ugly. One little girl named Selma said she’d be my friend when nobody was around but wouldn’t like me when the other kids were there. I was so desperate to be liked, that I let that be okay with me.

For years I tried to fit in so I’d be liked. I obeyed and smiled, was patted on the head and told what a good girl I was and oh so sweet. I liked that so I became even sweeter and would go out of my way to do things for people whether I wanted to or not.

I remember one Christmas dinner my aunt asked me to run upstairs to her room and get her cigarettes. “When will I be old enough so I can say no?” I asked. Her face stopped smiling as she answered coldly, “Never mind, I’ll get them myself.” I learned not to speak up for fear of disapproval.

When did I wake up? There were signs when I’d talk to Rev Mary L Kupferle, the minister of the Lake Worth, Florida Unity church. I’d write letters to her and tell her how scared I was and how I didn’t fit in. She would remind me that I didn’t have to follow in my mother’s footsteps. I loved Mary Kupferle and she let me write the program for her Wednesday noon service. She even paid me to type one of her books for her. She saw some of my greatness. I was so amazed when I read her obituary that she and my mother were born the same year. What a difference between two women.

My friend Ed caught a glimmer of who I was. He was the kind of friend who looked straight into my eyes as I talked and really heard me. One day we met in a Sundry store downtown Lake Worth, Fl. I showed him that one of the stories I’d written was published in a magazine that was on the shelf. He picked it up and walked around the store showing it to everyone who came in, telling them that I wrote it and pointed to me. What fun that was! We took our raggedy Ann and Andy dolls to the mall one afternoon and had them talk to people walking by. Some liked it, others scowled while some ignored us altogether. Ed and I were kindred spirits on some level. His birthday was the day before mine. I miss Ed and Mary and hope they greet me when it’s my turn to pass over.

Bernie, my husband tells me I can do it and when I was doing tarot readings at Duffy’s Sports Bar he’d tell me he heard people say they loved my readings and how good I was. He likes to brag about my talents and he has encouraged me. I’ve been blessed having him as my help mate.

When I joined ThrivingNow, Rick Wilkes and Cathy Vartuli saw my greatness. They encourage me and Cathy often says, “You Rock, Jean!” As I’ve been working with them using Emotional Freedom Technique EFT-tapping, I’ve learned to love myself even when I felt stupid or unworthy. Rick and Cathy tapped on these feelings with me during our calls and in private sessions to help me release those unworthy feelings and to love that real, vulnerable person I really am. I can truly say I love myself no matter what. It is not saying I am perfect because no one can be, but to love my humanness, my spirit.

Whether or not I actually fulfill my reason for being born, my potential remains to be seen. Maybe I am fulfilling it now as I write, teach and help people find their own wonderful selves. Maybe that’s what my life is about – courage despite traumas, love despite bullying and glimpses of freedom despite the heavy lessons of fear. Like the eagle, I say Jean Maurie, come forth and claim your true identity and soar! Be one with that great mind that created you and everyone else! Let the resurrection begin!

Blogging Day 7 Coming of Age in the 1950's

Here is a blog I wrote three years ago that I thought would be fun to read.


My  husband shared this video on my Facebook page this morning and I sat and listened to the old music, watched the groovy cars and the sweaters and skirts we used to wear back then.  I found myself very nostalgic, not because I wanted to be back in the 50s and 60s but they brought back many memories - good and painful.

If you watch the video you'll see a milk truck with a milkman stepping out with milk bottles ready to deliver to the door.  Well I had a huge crush on our milkman and would try to stay home from school when he was scheduled to deliver to our house.  He let me ride around the corner in his truck.  My mother ended up marrying him.  What an experience that was!

 

  
Back then I felt insecure but I knew how to dance so when Bill Haley and the Comets came on with Rock Around the Clock, all I wanted to do was dance. I loved my portable radio that I listened to all this great music in my bedroom or when I was laying on the beach. 

I had a 1949 red and white Mercury car with a stick shift that got hung up in first gear and I had to lift up the hood and wiggle the linkage to get it drivable again.   I remember one Sunday afternoon I got stuck on the Lake Worth Bridge with a lot of traffic behind me. So I got out of the car, opened the hood and wiggled it once again and off I went.  LOL, made me look like I knew more about fixing cars than I did.

Later I got a black '53 Ford convertible that I absolutely loved driving, yes still a stick shift.  We ended up selling it for more than we paid. 

Back then we didn't have cell phones and we sat home glued to the phone waiting for calls.  I am so glad to see that no one has to be stuck at home or in an office anymore.  

I like today better because now I have Social Media, a cell phone, Facebook, the Internet, an electronic reader and more.  Sure I still read regular books, and I can listen to the old music on my computer. 

I hope you enjoyed my trip down memory lane. 

Blogging Day 6 Finding Funny Stuff or I Need to Laugh

I have an "off the wall"  sense of humor and I love it.  My mother would look at me and ask, "how can you laugh at a time like this?"  I don't mean funeral times or anything like that, but when I am feeling anxious or panicky.  I don't know why but I just do.

I love smiley faces and have a few in my room.  I was looking for some smiley drapes at one time but never did find them. 

I created a Fun Facebook page  where I post funny memes, videos or whatever.  So when I feel depressed or out of sorts I love to cruise the internet or Facebook for things to laugh at.  It helps.

I love videos of animals eating. A few of my posts might be over the top or have some colorful language.

Here is another of my favorites...

I know, silly and I hope this got you giggling a little.  If you want more hop on over to my Fun Page and read more. 

Blogging Day 5 - School Made me Feel Dumb, Stupid, Useless

I watched a video on Facebook today and a lot of emotions came up about how dumb I felt in school.  One reason was that I was hard of hearing and would you believe I didn't know it?  I knew I wasn't understanding things but never realized it was because I couldn't hear well.  Back in those days no one thought to check children's hearing.  No, they just thought I wasn't paying attention and scolded me or told me to "pay attention". That didn't help.  Instead I felt stupid.

One day I remember standing at the blackboard trying to work out a math problem.  I wasn't good at math to begin with but the teacher was trying to help and called on another child to tell me what to do. I couldn't hear the child and kind of fumbled around feeling dumber and dumber.  The class started laughing at me and I wanted to just run away, run home. Many times I would stare out the window wishing I could leave and go home. But I knew they would bring me back to school and scold me.  I even liked being sick so I didn't have to go to school.  This was the beginning of a school phobia and led to Agoraphobia.  I would have stomach aches every morning when I'd have to go to school and they thought I was "pretending".  This went on for twelve years. This is actually a form of Trauma and Flight or Freeze. I froze because of feeling stupid, inept and I couldn't flee.

I didn't know I had a brain in my head until I was 35 and sitting in a used book store among college graduates holding my own in the conversation. When I realized I actually was intelligent it was like a light was switched on.  I did love to read and was a voracious reader but I didn't realize I was actually smart.

Fast forward to now, I realize that if school had been different and my needs were listened to, things could have been a lot different. I'm not angry about it, there is no point to holding grudges but wow, I would have loved to have gone to school like today with internet, Google and homeschooling!

Here is the video that started my feelings and writing the blog.

Blogging Day 4 Fifty Five Years of Journaling

I have been keeping a journal since 1963 and have over fifteen filled notebooks dated and with numbered pages (at least on the earlier ones).  I am not going to digitize them.  Some of the ink on the pages has faded.  What do I do with these? 

There is a book called The Gentle Art of Death Cleansing which I haven't read yet.  But I read some articles about it and she says to get rid of journals! No one wants them.  Really?  I would love to read my Mother, Grandmother or Aunt's journals. I love to read journal books like  Journal of a Solitude by May Sarton.  My friend suggests donating them to a college.  However I doubt that they'd want it.

Just like our grandparents china, jewelry and furniture isn't wanted by this generation of young people.  I've heard and read that people are having a hard time getting rid of our Grandparents and parents "stuff".  No one wants piano's anymore.  It is a different world!

These journals tell my story about having panic attacks and anxiety and not knowing what was wrong with me until I discovered I had Agoraphobia.   I wrote about what I did to try and get rid of the panic attacks.  I wrote about different methods I discovered and the various therapies I tried.

I wrote about arguments I had with my mother and more.  It was good for me to write and I'm sure it helped my mental health.  I don't feel much like keeping a journal anymore. Blogging and emails seem to satisfy me now.

But what do I do with my journals? I'm almost 82. I doubt if I'll write my memoirs.  Who would read them? Would I have time?  Do I even want to spend the energy on this?  Probably not unless I was totally alone with no distractions.

So if you read this I would be interested in ideas, suggestions.  Thanks.

Blogging Day 3 Addicted to Magazines

MY NAME IS JEAN AND I AM ADDICTED TO MAGAZINES!

Ok now I got that out of the way.  Before we moved I downsized big time.  I got rid of a lot of my magazine clutter.

Yes I still have a few piles of magazines I want to go through, like my Writer's Digest issues and The Sun magazines. I think I got rid of my pile of Twilight Zone magazines but there are still some boxes in the shed to go through, so maybe I didn't.  I sort of hope not.

Now I have other ways to get magazines that satisfy and feed my addiction. (I don't consider all addictions bad).  My library offers RBdigital.  Here is where we can download magazines electronically as in "borrowing" from the library. This includes Readers Digest, Our State (NC), National Geographic, Taste of Home, Better Homes and Garden, Oprah, Food Network, Quilting, Rolling stone and more... I can enlarge the pages on my ipad, phone or computer to make the print easier to read. It's like reading a large print book.  Oh yes, we can borrow books and audio books on RBdigital too.

I also subscribed to Texture.  What a fabulous place this is for feeding my magazine addiction.  I got a 30 day free trial and after that I had to pay.  I love PEOPLE magazine so that is a bit extra.  But my office isn't cluttered like it used to be.  All my magazines are online now.  I even subscribe to Writer's Digest and The Sun online.  Every time I get groceries I look at the magazines as I stand in line and before subscribing to Texture I would impulsively grab a People or Woman's World as a reward to myself.  Now I look at these displays and realize I really am saving money and clutter.

No more piles of magazines!!!

Blogging Day 2 --The Miracles in my Instant Pot

I have always liked the idea of cooking in a pressure cooker but I was terrified of them.  We bought one from QVC and were both afraid to use it even though they are supposed to be safe. No more exploding pots with peas on the ceiling or mashed potatoes on the walls.  But still we were too scared to try cooking in it and I don't like to admit it but we gave it away brand new.

Ok fast forward awhile when I started reading about the Instant Pot.   What is an Instant Pot? I didn't know so I went to You Tube and started watching videos!  I was mesmerized.  "I can do this!" I told myself. So I went to Amazon and ordered the 6 qt one.   I joined several online Instant Pot groups on Facebook and Googled Instant Pot recipes.  So the fun began.

I bought a 3 lb boneless chuck roast and followed a recipe I found online.  Because my IP is not oblong I had to cut the roast into 3 or 4 pieces. It has a saute button so I pushed it and put some olive oil in the pot and put in the meat to brown.  After the meat was all browned I took it out with tongs and put it on a plate. Then I started adding my vegetables - sliced onions, carrots, celery, mushrooms and seasonings.  When they were lightly sauteed I added the meat back, added a can of beef Consume (beef broth works too) and a half a can of water and whole peeled potatoes.   I pushed the off button, put the lid on, turned it to seal and pushed the manual button the + adjusted it to 55 minutes. The pot had to build up steam, so it took longer than 55 minutes but basically about ten minutes. Then I checked to see if the little silver button was popped up, show it had built up to pressure.  Then it started counting down. After it reached 55 minutes it beeped and I released the pressure by turning the release knob carefully to let out all the steam.  When it stopped hissing and the silver button was down, I opened the lid and took out everything onto a serving plate.  I mixed up some corn starch slurry and whisked it into the remaining liquid, making a delicious thickened gravy.

Here is the result:  A delicious, melt in our mouths tender pot roast with cooked vegetables and potatoes.  A One pot meal.   

I've made this several times along with pork chops, the most delicious rice and chicken I've ever eaten and spaghetti where I push uncooked pasta into the sauce, cover the pot and cook for TEN minutes!  Yes, 10 minutes for delicious spaghetti with enough left over for 3 more meals.

I call these my miracles in my Instant pot. I bought a second pot which has come in handy.

I am not an affiliate for the Instant Pot but one can make yogurt in it,  and it can be used as a slow cooker, and more.  I've even read about people making cheesecake in the pot and cooking hard boiled eggs.  It's amazing what this little pot can do and the price is under $100! I will never be without one now.

 Spaghetti in my Instant Pot

Spaghetti on my plate.

Day 1 April Blogging - Downsizing, Piano Lessons and More

When I read that Effy invited us blog for the month of April I got excited.  I do like to blog but don't always know what to say.  Like I said, I got excited.  Then the thought of having to think what to blog about for a whole month made me feel tired.  "I don't want to HAVE to blog every day" I told a friend.  I still feel somewhat the same way.  But I will try and not be too hard on myself if it doesn't  happen.

We moved last summer after downsizing from a 2 story house with a full basement into a one level manufactured home in an over 55 development.  It is lovely with a big clubhouse that has a library, a workout room and kitchen and dining.  There are monthly potluck dinners and special get-togethers.  We have a place to walk that is flat which is good living in the mountains. There is a lovely park and a library branch directly across the street. We love living here. Our other house was on top of a mountain and we got snowed in a lot during the winter.  We had 14 stairs to climb from the garage to the kitchen and that got old. Every time we come home from grocery shopping we are thankful we can walk right into the kitchen and not up all those stairs. Not only that but I have a washer and dryer right off the kitchen behind bifold doors.  I now LOVE doing laundry. No more hauling laundry up and down the stairs from the basement.

This "new" house was completely furnished including a piano. I've heard that it is hard to get rid of a piano these days.  We tried but no one wants to haul it away. So I decided to play. I have several boxes of music that I'd collected over the years that are still packed away.  But this wasn't how I wanted to play anymore.  A friend told me about a piano course on Udemy for only $9.  I thought that was too good to be true.  What a surprise though.  It is all about learning chords and how to play open chords, closed ones and how to change chords easily moving up and down the keyboard.  Then it goes on to explain and show how to add rhythm.  So different than when I was a child taking piano lessons.  I hated practicing so bad I spent that time standing in the corner for punishment. It wasn't fun. But playing chords is fun.  I had so much fun that I bought two more courses and I just play as I want, no "shoulds", no pressure.  Because the courses are online I can access them any time I want. 

The piano needs work.  It needs tuning and something was spilled on the keys.  I can use it as is.  I'm not sure who to call for an estimate yet.  I do have a portable keyboard though, so I will always have something to play on.