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Last night I watched a PBS special about rescuing abandoned parrots or parrots that people could not keep. It was an hour long special and talked about poachers taking baby parrots from the nests and raising them to sell. Now instead of poaching they breed parrots. There are hundreds if not thousands of parrots who now live in rescue places. They went on to show how parrots and other birds are social and need to be with their own. They find mates and bond. Parrots alone in a cage get so anxious they start pulling out their own feathers. This is like people who are in so much pain they cut themselves. I got tears in my eyes watching this and especially when I saw a parrot raised as a baby being released and practicing flying. Then it soared with another parrot and flew free.
This program deeply affected me, even more than I realized because I've often felt caged by fears and anxiety. I have a feeling that I once knew how to fly but living on this planet with gravity holding me down, I forgot how. I had a flying dream once and hope to have more. I got into the shower and found myself sobbing, runny nose, snorting type of crying. It surprised me but it didn't stop for awhile. The crying wasn't about the birds so much but about feelings that came up for me. I have had panic and anxiety most of my life which was diagnosed as Agoraphobia.
I'm better now because of a lot of different therapies, especially Emotional Freedom, tapping, but I feel a lot of my life has looked like this..
What does it feel like to live a life of freedom and really fly?
Have you ever felt so angry you just wanted to smash everything in sight, tear up a room, take a baseball bat and break something? I have. I felt like that recently after feeling overloaded about other things and was told that Microsoft was going to update my windows 7 laptop to windows 10 whether I wanted it or not. I was furious. It felt like such an invasion of privacy. It was all about boundary issues. I understood that. But it felt like someone had knocked on my front door, pushed themselves in and said I had to use their stove whether I wanted it or not. That would be illegal. Why isn't microsoft's pushing windows 10 on us illegal too? Is this freedom? I was so angry I couldn't stop myself. I sat there crying and saying, "I don't know how to stop myself from feeling this way. Yes I tapped, I cursed, I screamed and I kicked a cabinet off it's hinges. I called on my angels for help. Then I felt like I couldn't catch my breath and I got scared. This kind of anger is definitely not good for me or anyone else. I felt bad for my body and decided to use the Ho'oponopono prayer asking my body to forgive me. I'm sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you.
I found out later that there are ways to prevent Windows 10 from downloading into my computer. I know this was not earth shaking but it pushed all my boundary and fairness issues.
I don't ever want to get this angry again because while I was in the midst of it I realized how someone who was over stressed or had boundary issues could get into road rage and worse. Even though I'm troubled about the intensity of this anger and ashamed for kicking and breaking a cabinet I choose to love and accept myself and all my feelings.
I was posting about my anger and someone posted a link about an anger room. What a great idea, to have a place where people could actually let off steam and break things if they had to.
