Sunday, November 8, 2015

Out of control Anger

Have you ever felt so angry you just wanted to smash everything in sight, tear up a room, take a baseball bat and break something?

I have.  I felt like that recently after feeling overloaded about other things and was told that Microsoft was going to update my windows 7 laptop to windows 10 whether I wanted it or not.   I was furious.  It felt like such an invasion of privacy.  It was all about boundary issues.  I understood that.  But it felt like someone had knocked on my front door, pushed themselves in and said I had to use their stove whether I wanted it or not.  That would be illegal. Why isn't microsoft's pushing windows 10 on us illegal too?

Is this freedom?

I was so angry I couldn't stop myself.  I sat there crying and saying, "I don't know how to stop myself from feeling this way.  Yes I tapped, I cursed, I screamed and I kicked a cabinet off it's hinges. I called on my angels for help. Then I felt like I couldn't catch my breath and I got scared.  This kind of anger is definitely not good for me or anyone else.  I felt bad for my body and decided to use the Ho'oponopono prayer asking my body to forgive me.

I'm sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you.







I found out later that there are ways to prevent Windows 10 from downloading into my computer.  I know this was not earth shaking but it pushed all my boundary and fairness issues.

I don't ever want to get this angry again because while I was in the midst of it I realized how someone who was over stressed or had boundary issues could get into road rage and worse.


Even though I'm troubled about the intensity of this anger and ashamed for kicking and breaking a cabinet I choose to love and accept myself and all my feelings.

I was posting about my anger and someone posted a link about an anger room.  What a great idea, to have a place where people could actually let off steam and break things if they had to.

http://theweek.com/articles/475575/anger-room-new-way-blow-steam-after-work


I will work on this part of myself and heal it.  I feel vulnerable even admitting this much less posting it.  

Have any of you felt this kind of anger and if so, how did you handle it?  I'd love to read your comments.  

Thank you 











4 comments:

Lori L. Clark said...

Anger is always the result of an unresolved underlying issue. It's not good to hold it inside. And there are ways to let it out in a healthy way. :) You can do it. Damn Microsoft anyway.

Kate Feathers said...

I've never told anyone this, but about 10 years ago I was so angry at myself for feeling jealous and untrusting of a boyfriend that I banged my forehead against a door jam. I felt the bruise for many years after that. Truth is, he was untrustworthy and I hurt myself over it. Duh! Never again!

Jean Puhlman said...

Lori, thanks for replying. I found out that there were other issues underlying this, of course. Microsoft was just the "straw that broke the camel's back"

Anger is a step up on the vibrational scale from depression too.

Jean Puhlman said...

Kate, thanks for replying too :)

I think we all hurt ourselves in some ways over what other people do. It triggers all kinds of emotions and memories within us. I'm not going to say never again but I will say I will try to be more mindful of what I'm feeling, then see if there are other ways I can work my on my emotions and heal rather than hurt myself.

I did end up with a very painful lower back episode a few days later. It's taking its time to heal and I'm taking care of myself better.