Birthdays, Shoulds and Mother's Day

My birthday and Mother's day are usually a week apart or so.  This year my birthday was on a Monday and Mother's Day was the next Sunday.  

"What did you do on your birthday?" 

"Tried to buy a door."

An Asian buffet restaurant gives free meals for people on their birthdays.  I felt like I "should" go. After all it's free.   But my taster wasn't for Asian this year.   What did my taster want?  Oh I so dislike the pressure of feeling like I needed to celebrate something just because it was my birthday. I like myself and want to celebrate every day I'm alive and well.  So I relaxed and know that I can go out to eat any time I want.  Yes that felt better.  We ended up getting hubby a new pair of glasses and eating butter burgers at Culver's.  I really like them and it was just what my taster wanted.  Hubby got onion rings and I got french fries. A birthday party in my mouth!

I had some coupons from other restaurants offering desserts for my birthday.  But I had an A1C test coming up two days later and really didn't want to do desserts.  I know, french fries, buns and onion rings are carbs.  I'm getting real tired of worrying or even thinking about this stuff.  After all I just turned 83. 

My test came out too high and it's got me thinking.  I can get my blood sugar down if I work on it and count carbs, cut out things I like to eat and be careful.  But I'm thinking be careful for why?  I'm not real interested in living until 90 and having to be cared for. Yes I know there are people who live past 90 and are healthy and active.  I'm happy for them.  It doesn't "light me up".  Maybe in a few years I might change my mind. 

A part of me would really like to know how long I'm going to live. I know, many say they wouldn't.   Death is a scary subject. I'm not afraid to be dead, it's just how.  I think the right to die should be passed in every state.  For people who have terminal illnesses and are in pain not just for ordinary old people although ...

Financially I'd like to know how long I have to live.  What's special about having a good credit score when you die?  They aren't going to ask me that at the "Pearly Gates".  

At 83 I don't have the ability to answer how I'd like to see myself in 3 years, much less 5.   I can only think about a week at the most.  I don't say, "I can't wait until"  anymore. 

I'm not depressed, just thinking.  I got over 200 wonderful birthday greetings on Facebook. That made me feel wrapped in a sweet blanket of love. 

As for Mother's Day.  I'd rather have a Smiley balloon rather than flowers.  

I'm glad I have a goofy sense of humor.  It helps and as long as I can find things to laugh about, including our crazy lives I'm ok.