A Sad, Cold March Day in 1949

Yes it was a sad, cold day in March 1949 when my aunt came to me and said, "Your father is not with us anymore."  I felt the air being sucked out of my lungs. Everyone's voices sounded far away.  My father isn't with us anymore?  You mean he died? But he was only 32? How, Why? My shocked brain couldn't comprehend this.

There were rumors.  He went in the hospital with a supposed appendicitis and never came out.  It scared so many people that many went and had their appendix out after that. 

What am I going to do without my Father around, I wondered. What's going to happen now?  Life changed drastically for this thirteen year old girl.  She had a baby brother who was just 11 months old.  I remember going into Daddy's closet to smell his clothes.

Mother was overcome with grief and didn't do well.  Me and my brother got farmed out to some families for a while, while mother was unable to care for us.  She finally hired a family with two boys to live with us.  I didn't like them.  I had headaches and the doctor told me to go to bed earlier.  I missed the Uncle Milty show (Milton Berle) on Tuesday nights and I was furious, making my  headaches worse.

Somehow life went on and mother married our milkman (yes a true story) who I had a crush on (another story).  He had 4 children and we all moved to Florida.

Years later after I was married and had a child of my own  I was watching 90210 the TV series when Dylan's father was killed and Dylan was thinking about taking a drink even though he was an alcoholic.  He was grieving and didn't know how to handle his pain.  Suddenly he heard sobbing in the room and he turned around and saw his little thirteen year old self sobbing.  That opened the floodgates of grief for me and losing my father.  I hadn't really been able to grieve until then.  It was a wonderful relief to get in touch with my thirteen year old girl who's heart was broken.