Saturday, September 20, 2014

Releasing Old Vows



Releasing old vows

“Dear God,” I wrote in my diary in 1957-58.  “If you will bring me a man who loves me I will be the best wife imaginable.  I have a lot of love to share.”

I remembered my mother sobbing after my father died about how she wished she hadn’t nagged and fought with him.  She felt so guilty and I decided then and there that when I got married I’d never have any reason to feel guilty. 
 
I tried living up to this vow too.  Dinner would be ready when my husband came in from work, nights and weekends belonged to him because he had to go out and work every day, I wouldn’t say what I wanted to do because I didn’t want to be a nag.  Vacations belonged to him (in my mind). These were the promises I made up in my head and thought were important. 


In those days women usually stayed home to raise their children. To me, it felt like I had to prove my worth.  During this time I developed a spastic colon with panic and anxiety. Feeling like I didn’t deserve did a number on my body. When my husband retired I vowed to earn the extra money to help with the bills.

Fast forward to 2014, married 56 years and working on abundance and the Law of Attraction.   I was listening to Doreen Virtue’s meditation for abundance. She said that maybe we’d taken vows from past lives or this life that could be blocks to abundance.  Bingo!  Yes I had and as I started releasing them, other vows came up about how I was going to be the BEST mother, daughter, daughter-in-law, etc., never arguing, saying yes even when I didn’t want to do something they asked for or feeling guilty when I did say no.  No wonder my stomach gave me trouble, no wonder I had panic and anxiety.  I wasn’t being authentic.


 
I’ve been working with EFT tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique), so I brought this issue about releasing vows on one of our weekly calls and my coach, Rick Wilkes from thrivingnow, suggested I blog about this to help me unwind. Being the “best” means competing.  Who was I competing against?  Good question.  As I was trying to be the best, I realize it has to do with self-worth.  I felt I had to earn my place in the world.

I’ve watched cultural beliefs come and go.  Back in the 40s and 50s women were raised with traditional values- stay home, keep the house clean, keep the children quiet when Daddy gets home from work and don’t nag.  By the 50s some women were going to work and there was a lot of controversy about who was right – the stay at home mom or the one who put her children in day care and went to work.
I cannot speak for others but I want to let go of my old beliefs and know that just being me is enough. I don’t have to prove my self-worth. 

 

It’s funny how the Universe works because I signed up for a class with Julie Zipper about angels, guides and ancestors.  Julie sent us two wonderful meditations to listen to. The second one was about Miracles and how we are miracles. I am a miracle.  I made it through the birth canal and into this world. I don’t have to do anything to prove my worth because just being me is a miracle.   Isn’t that amazing how I start to release the old vows and then discover what a miracle I am? 
Know that this is for you too.  You are a miracle.  You deserve.   We all do.  As I learn to love myself more and more my world is opening up and I can hardly wait to see what I discover about myself and what wonders I will attract.

Stay tuned.                                                     

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