Blogging Day 8 Mistaken Identity

 Mistaken Identity

My mother didn’t know who I was. When I was born she treated me as if she owned me. As Alan Cohen writes in his book, Dare to Be Yourself, “Like an eagle, we have suffered under a case of mistaken identity.” Mother taught me about fear. I learned them well. I forgot that I was a magnificent individual born with a purpose. The teachers told me I was dumb. They didn’t realize what a magnificent soul they were talking to. The kids called me quiver lip, harelip and ugly. One little girl named Selma said she’d be my friend when nobody was around but wouldn’t like me when the other kids were there. I was so desperate to be liked, that I let that be okay with me.

For years I tried to fit in so I’d be liked. I obeyed and smiled, was patted on the head and told what a good girl I was and oh so sweet. I liked that so I became even sweeter and would go out of my way to do things for people whether I wanted to or not.

I remember one Christmas dinner my aunt asked me to run upstairs to her room and get her cigarettes. “When will I be old enough so I can say no?” I asked. Her face stopped smiling as she answered coldly, “Never mind, I’ll get them myself.” I learned not to speak up for fear of disapproval.

When did I wake up? There were signs when I’d talk to Rev Mary L Kupferle, the minister of the Lake Worth, Florida Unity church. I’d write letters to her and tell her how scared I was and how I didn’t fit in. She would remind me that I didn’t have to follow in my mother’s footsteps. I loved Mary Kupferle and she let me write the program for her Wednesday noon service. She even paid me to type one of her books for her. She saw some of my greatness. I was so amazed when I read her obituary that she and my mother were born the same year. What a difference between two women.

My friend Ed caught a glimmer of who I was. He was the kind of friend who looked straight into my eyes as I talked and really heard me. One day we met in a Sundry store downtown Lake Worth, Fl. I showed him that one of the stories I’d written was published in a magazine that was on the shelf. He picked it up and walked around the store showing it to everyone who came in, telling them that I wrote it and pointed to me. What fun that was! We took our raggedy Ann and Andy dolls to the mall one afternoon and had them talk to people walking by. Some liked it, others scowled while some ignored us altogether. Ed and I were kindred spirits on some level. His birthday was the day before mine. I miss Ed and Mary and hope they greet me when it’s my turn to pass over.

Bernie, my husband tells me I can do it and when I was doing tarot readings at Duffy’s Sports Bar he’d tell me he heard people say they loved my readings and how good I was. He likes to brag about my talents and he has encouraged me. I’ve been blessed having him as my help mate.

When I joined ThrivingNow, Rick Wilkes and Cathy Vartuli saw my greatness. They encourage me and Cathy often says, “You Rock, Jean!” As I’ve been working with them using Emotional Freedom Technique EFT-tapping, I’ve learned to love myself even when I felt stupid or unworthy. Rick and Cathy tapped on these feelings with me during our calls and in private sessions to help me release those unworthy feelings and to love that real, vulnerable person I really am. I can truly say I love myself no matter what. It is not saying I am perfect because no one can be, but to love my humanness, my spirit.

Whether or not I actually fulfill my reason for being born, my potential remains to be seen. Maybe I am fulfilling it now as I write, teach and help people find their own wonderful selves. Maybe that’s what my life is about – courage despite traumas, love despite bullying and glimpses of freedom despite the heavy lessons of fear. Like the eagle, I say Jean Maurie, come forth and claim your true identity and soar! Be one with that great mind that created you and everyone else! Let the resurrection begin!

Fear, Panic Attacks, Anxiety I felt all of these

When I was a child I had many surgeries to repair a cleft lip and palate.  I was told to be a "good girl" and a "big girl" and don't cry.  But I was terrified.  I told my mother I was nervous and she said, "Little girls don't have nerves."  Why am I writing about this?  Because as a child I couldn't flee.  I couldn't fight.  So my emotions and fears froze inside.  I had to wear a cuff that prevented me from reaching up and pulling out my stitches so I felt even more trapped.

I became phobic and when I went to school I looked different and was hard of hearing.  The kids called me quiver lip and more.  One little girl said she'd be friends with me when we were alone but when others were around she wouldn't be my friend.  I accepted that but it hurt.  I didn't learn how to stand up for myself.  I had a stomach ache every morning before I went to school and actually looked forward to being sick so I could stay home from school and not feel stressed.

The teachers didn't know how scared I was, they just thought I was trying to get away with doing my school work or they thought I was stupid.  I often sat in class staring out the window wanting to run home but I knew they would bring me back to school.

Having not dealt with any of these fears, they turned into Agoraphobia, the fear of having a panic attack and losing control.  For many years I thought someday I was going to go crazy and get locked up in a mental institution.   I used to call it "my problem" having no idea what was wrong with me or how to get help.  People would tell me to just get out there and be brave.  I had been "brave" for too long.

Why am I talking about this now? Not to make anyone feel sorry for me but to explain that I was traumatized by not being able to flee or fight.  All these fears were locked down within and came out as phobias.  I had many types of therapies and everything helped a little but it wasn't until I found Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and Thriving now that I really got help.  When we experience a series of traumas our primitive brain does everything it can to protect us, to try and keep us safe.  For me my primitive brain helped me feel safe by making me scared to go to doctors, dentists, school and I don't even like to get my hair cut.  I am getting better though thanks to learning about the Primitive Brain and how to make it my friend and sooth it.

There is a wonderful course that I took and was greatly helped that is starting again.  It is called Reprogramming Your Primitive Brain.  Anyone who signs up before midnight on Thursday gets a free 20 minute tapping session with Rick Wilkes either by Skype or phone.  Rick Wilkes and Cathy Vartuli have helped me so much and I have many tools now if a panic attack starts.  I am still a work in progress but I've come a long way.

So if you have anxiety or feel unsafe, have a problem with self-worth you might want to take a look at the Reprogramming Your Primitive Brain Course.  There are tapping videos, meditations, phone calls you can participate in and more.  You didn't need to experience the kinds of trauma I did to feel unworthy or have self-esteem issues.  There are many "small traumas" that can trigger these kinds of feelings.  Tapping is amazing and very simple.  I continue to feel more confident and happier.  I hope you will too.

With Love, Jean Maurie 

WHY DO WE ALWAYS COMPARE OURSELVES TO OTHERS?

A few weeks ago I met a group of people who'd I'd known online since about 2008.   I was a little nervous thinking about the meetup a week or so before. I imagined myself surrounded by a group of people and not being able to hear what was being said.  I tapped on it and worked with my coaches, Rick Wilkes and Cathy Vartuli who helped me realize I could speak up, say "I'm almost deaf in my right ear, and I'd like to switch places with you so I could hear better." Yes I could do that but it would feel awkward.  

Okay so Saturday night came and we drove up to the little Taco place in Asheville to meet these people, I was excited.   We all recognized each other and that was so cool! Here were some very lovely souls who I'd been reading their posts and been in groups with for almost seven years.  One lady was driving from New York to California with her children and she stopped here in Asheville to meet us all.  What fun!  We sat outside on benches while eating and talking.  My worry about not hearing well vanished, I had no problem.

Then the picture taking began.  I thought I was smiling.  Well I was but with my mouth closed.  I always feel self conscious about my teeth.  But we all feel self conscious about something don't we?  I've been learning about this in my Thriving Now tapping group.

This wonderful, fun evening felt good until later when I saw one of the pictures that was posted.  

I saw their fresh open faces and smiles and thought, "Oh I look like a crotchety old lady, ewwww"  It really did make me feel bad. Now I do know intellectually that we only make ourselves feel bad or good depending on how we think.  But that didn't help me when I looked at the picture.   Yes there were other good pictures but of course what do we usually focus on? The bad ones of course. Even famous writers and film stars latch on to the critical reviews even when they've read hundreds of wonderful ones. Why do we feel this need to focus on the negative instead?  Is this a human trait? Is it part of the lessons we're here on earth to learn?

I posted this picture and my feelings about it on the Thriving Now forum where I'm a member and one of the tribe members told me I was probably being too hard on myself. She posted a wonderful You Tube Video of Brad Yates tapping on comparing ourselves.




I tapped with it as I visualized myself in this picture and it helped a lot. This is when I decided to write this blog.  It does make me feel very vulnerable to write this and put it out on social media but if it helps anyone else to feel better about themselves it is worth it.  I hope the ladies in the picture don't mind me posting this.  

As Brad Yates says in this video "I'd rather love than compare and I am loving myself just as I am in body, mind and spirit."

Why Does it Feel like Everyone's Getting on My Last Nerve?

We’ve heard a lot about road rage on the news lately. What is going through someone’s mind when they get upset about being cut off by another driver? Or why does the other driver cut someone off? What has their day been like? Did their boss yell at them? Were they recently fired? Did they get in a fight with their wife at breakfast? We’ll never know. But often other people’s reactions affect our own.

What if you’ve had a sleepless night and you are in a grumpy mood? Or what if you’ve been up all night with a sick child and have to go to work the next day? Will your worry and tiredness leak out all over other people in the office or will you snarl impatiently when you call customer service about some problem? Or will someone else’s mood affect yours? Why do our moods and angers affect others? It’s because we, as humans were trained to be alert to dangers to keep us safe. When we were tribe members and a lion or tiger approached we’d all be on alert. We had to be or we might be in danger of being eaten.

Believe it or not, we still have a lot of this in us, trying to protect us from being hurt. So when our boss yells we feel it even if he’s not yelling at us. Or if I get frustrated at the way the letters don’t appear right away when I try to type something on Facebook and I pound the keyboard with frustration, my husband hears me rage. What’s it doing to him? It certainly can’t feel peaceful. Yes, sometimes I rage because I’m human and that’s when I realize I need to stop and tap to release the frustration energy and calm myself down. When we care about the people we interact with on a daily basis, so we feel upset when our friend calls and tells us that they had a fight with their partner. We’re unhappy when our son calls and says he got fired. And it can upset us when we hear a news story about someone who was bullied, who we don’t even know. The good news is that we can change our reactions and our emotions! “Really”, you ask? “How?” We can Reprogram our Primitive Brain. Yes, really and it isn’t all that hard.  Honest!

Here is what Rick Wilkes wrote. “And it’s not as hard as it sounds. I can teach someone how to write a simple computer program in 5 minutes. Cathy and I together can teach you how to start reprogramming your primitive brain in no time! And if you give it just 20 minutes a day worth of time and attention, for a few weeks, you will have developed a skill that is even more valuable than being an expert computer programmer.”

I took this course last year and even though I will still get frustrated from time to time, it doesn’t last as long nor is it as often because I have the tools to use now and can stop and tap. I can even laugh at myself for my humanness but even better, I don’t beat myself up anymore when I do act human. I used to be ruled by anxiety and panic attacks. I don’t get them as much anymore. Sure, I feel anxiety and energy rising within me but I know how to calm my primitive brain and sooth it. I have much more control than I used to. So would you like to feel calmer, more in control and happier? If so, I invite you to join me to Reprogram Your Primitive Brain. Join me? Yes I’m going to take the course again because I found it so valuable that I want to go through it another time and anchor all that I learned the first time. "You don’t have time, you say? You don’t know how? “Of course not. Your primitive brain is likely stressed from never feeling like it can take a break. We know how to shift that. “I can’t do this on my own!”

Of course not. No one can. It’s why Cathy and Rick will be there to make it as easy as possible for you.

If you’re tired of being an infectious agent of negative emotions… if you’re exhausted by being triggered by the negative emotions of others… at least check this out. Why? Because for Cathy and Rick, it is their mission to bring this awareness to Light. When we all learn how to detect that someone is “in their primitive brain” we can each respond in a healthy way rather than a reactive way. We can offer a hug or help… and not join in the battle.

The world has enough battles going on…

We want to co-creative safe, healthy, loving connections. That requires a shift out of the primitive brain into the whole of the body-mind.

It’s an honor that individuals from 77 countries have already taken this program with us. It’s making a difference. We want this idea to spread… and we want peace and confidence for each and every person… and for YOU.

Let’s do this together! You can sign up here:http://www.thrivingnow.com/primitive-brain/

With love and support," Rick & Cathy and Me too

P.S. We invite you to share this with others in our tribe. Thanks for spreading the word! P.P.S. The program closes Friday at midnight. If you are devoted to this kind of change in yourself and the world, do sign up now.”

How Do You Want to Feel?

Five days with sporadic internet outages!  I phoned my internet provider daily, got apologies, work order numbers and promises.  I told them I needed my internet to be working on Thursday at 1pm because I was the host of a radio show and was told, "Oh yes it will be working."  But I had an uneasy feeling, rightfully so.  I called Maggie, my co-host and asked her to run the studio as host, which she did. I logged on as co-host and just as I suspected, my internet went down during the show again. At least I was able to interview our guest on the telephone.  

Not sure if you know but I am a big proponent of Emotional Freedom Technique and tapping.  But on the 3rd day with my internet going up and down, being totally unreliable, I was so angry that tapping didn't help much. But I tapped anyhow because I knew I was getting a benefit somewhere in my body. But I wasn't feeling less angry.  My husband suggested we get out of the house for awhile and see if our new friend who owned a farm had any silver queen corn. Bernie called him and he had four ears left that he would save for us so we drove over to his farm. As we drove I kept asking myself, "How do I want to feel?" I was still furious about the internet outage because I was paying business rates and it was almost impossible to run an online business without being able to get online.  

Tapping Points

I touched each one of the upper tapping points saying, "how do you want to feel?"  I began feeling calmer and I started focusing on the trees with their beautiful green leaves. I began noticing how many different shades of green there are on the different trees.   I focused on smelling the fresh air coming in the car window.  The sun was shining, I am healthy, I have a loving husband, we have a home, money to buy food and life is good.   I am so blessed to have learned the wonderful question, "How Do You Want to Feel?" From my coaches, Rick Wilkes and Cathy Vartuli.   How do you want to feel has helped change the way I look at problems, it has been a stress reliever and I don't stuff my feelings like I used to.

When we got to the farm, he was no where to be found but that was okay because we weren't in a hurry.  We saw a bag with the corn waiting and I looked at the rest of the vegetables he had in the baskets.   The fresh yellow squash was so beautiful so I bagged up some.  I'd been buying lots of fresh vegetables and making soup for the winter.  Here are some of the beautiful tomatoes he had for sale.

I decided to take some pictures with my cell phone because it was such a peaceful place to be and I continued feeling blessed.

The farmer's name is Mr. Lance and he had been inside eating lunch and didn't hear us pull up.   He is a native of this area of North Carolina and had some interesting stories to tell. We pulled up some chairs and enjoyed listening to him.  I also liked how he had this book that he wrote all the purchases down and then added them up with a calculator.  No credit cards, no electronic devices.  How cool and down to earth!

I wanted to  feel better - calm and happy instead of angry and it worked.  Here are some more beautiful pictures on the farm.

Another wonderful benefit of tapping and asking myself how do I want to feel is that I don't get the old stomach aches I used to get when I was upset and frustrated.   I don't get as many headaches or backaches either. No I'm not perfect yet and I still have more to learn and practice but I feel very blessed. 



To learn how to become less stressed, more relaxed and happier visit my web page and if this speaks to you, book a reading with me. 

http://www.jeanmaurie.com/

Love, Jean Maurie

Daring to Find Myself

This morning I saw this picture on Facebook and it triggered some heavy emotions in me.  I could hardly catch my breath as I read these words.  I let fear rule my life. Now that I've been involved with EFT, especially Thriving Now with Rick Wilkes and Cathy Vartuli, I'm learning to find those pieces of me I hid because I was afraid of being judged how I looked, how i spoke, and more.  I've climbed a few emotional mountains and found bravery within I never knew I had. I'm sure there are more pieces of myself I can reclaim as I continue to climb mountains, drive to unknown places and dance to my music. Does anyone want to join me?

Vulnerability, Sex and You

Do you feel ashamed of your body and don't want to get into a bathing suit?

Do you feel nervous about something and don't want anyone to know about it?

Do you have a hearing problem or another problem that keeps you from going to movies or public places?

Are you afraid to date because you are a larger woman or feel like everyone else is prettier, smarter, more successful? Are you afraid to talk about sex? Do you keep your sexual fantasies to yourself instead of sharing them with your lover or partner?

If you answered yes to any of these questions I invite you to listen to this radio program, Personal Empowerment For Your Soul with me and my co creator Maggie Lukowski. We talked with our special guest Cathy Vartuli about all these subjects and more. (the show is here you just have to run flash)

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