Taking Time For Ourselves without Feeling Guilty

I grew up in the 40's and absorbed the teachings of what a good wife and mother should be like.  Always have the house clean, the ironing done, dinner on the table when the husband comes home from work. (Not that I was able to live up to these teachings)  Don't bring up important subjects in the evening because he has had a hard day at work and needs his relaxing time... and more. I remember feeling guilty if I wanted to read a book if there were dirty dishes in the sink or if I hadn't ironed my husband's work shirt yet.  Oh so much time wasted feeling guilty about not being enough.

Fast forward to 2017 - everything has changed (or has it)?   Women work outside the home, they can order their dinner on the phone and pick it up on the way home.  Or order boxes of food to be delivered to the door to be cooked.

But women still stress over being enough no matter what era we were raised in.  I wonder how my Granddaughter does it all with a full time job, two sons and a big house.

I want to add that I like things better now.  When hubby retired he took over the housekeeping and laundry.  I haven't ironed since I gave it up years ago.  I still love to cook but I don't need to ask "can we go out to eat" anymore.  I know and love myself better.  

Taking time for ourselves is so important.  If we give ourselves away to everyone else we can get overloaded and it can make us sick.  So we need to take OUR time - whether it is reading a book, chatting with our friends or taking a nice long bubble bath.

What do you do to destress?  Do you feel guilty when you take time for yourself?

WHY DO WE ALWAYS COMPARE OURSELVES TO OTHERS?

A few weeks ago I met a group of people who'd I'd known online since about 2008.   I was a little nervous thinking about the meetup a week or so before. I imagined myself surrounded by a group of people and not being able to hear what was being said.  I tapped on it and worked with my coaches, Rick Wilkes and Cathy Vartuli who helped me realize I could speak up, say "I'm almost deaf in my right ear, and I'd like to switch places with you so I could hear better." Yes I could do that but it would feel awkward.  

Okay so Saturday night came and we drove up to the little Taco place in Asheville to meet these people, I was excited.   We all recognized each other and that was so cool! Here were some very lovely souls who I'd been reading their posts and been in groups with for almost seven years.  One lady was driving from New York to California with her children and she stopped here in Asheville to meet us all.  What fun!  We sat outside on benches while eating and talking.  My worry about not hearing well vanished, I had no problem.

Then the picture taking began.  I thought I was smiling.  Well I was but with my mouth closed.  I always feel self conscious about my teeth.  But we all feel self conscious about something don't we?  I've been learning about this in my Thriving Now tapping group.

This wonderful, fun evening felt good until later when I saw one of the pictures that was posted.  

I saw their fresh open faces and smiles and thought, "Oh I look like a crotchety old lady, ewwww"  It really did make me feel bad. Now I do know intellectually that we only make ourselves feel bad or good depending on how we think.  But that didn't help me when I looked at the picture.   Yes there were other good pictures but of course what do we usually focus on? The bad ones of course. Even famous writers and film stars latch on to the critical reviews even when they've read hundreds of wonderful ones. Why do we feel this need to focus on the negative instead?  Is this a human trait? Is it part of the lessons we're here on earth to learn?

I posted this picture and my feelings about it on the Thriving Now forum where I'm a member and one of the tribe members told me I was probably being too hard on myself. She posted a wonderful You Tube Video of Brad Yates tapping on comparing ourselves.




I tapped with it as I visualized myself in this picture and it helped a lot. This is when I decided to write this blog.  It does make me feel very vulnerable to write this and put it out on social media but if it helps anyone else to feel better about themselves it is worth it.  I hope the ladies in the picture don't mind me posting this.  

As Brad Yates says in this video "I'd rather love than compare and I am loving myself just as I am in body, mind and spirit."