Blogging Day 9 People Who Think They Know how Others Should Live Their Lives

My friend Reenee Cummins shared this picture on Facebook.  It spoke to me.   I am sure I have been guilty of doing this to other people, especially when I was younger and thought I knew how others should do things and when.  I was so bad back then.  I hope I don’t do it anymore. 

That cat looks quite sarcastic doesn’t it, or bored.  

Why this spoke to me is that when I was so agoraphobic I would get these intense stomach pains while trying to go to classes or church.  I remember wanting to go and driving there but I’d get into the parking lot and almost be doubled over by pain.   I’d drive away and the pain would go away.   Sometimes I drove back and went in, other times I’d go home. It was very tiring.  People would say, “Where were you?”  “Why didn’t you come to class?”  I would mumble something about not feeling well or use some other excuse. I was so afraid to tell them how weak it made me feel. Sometimes I would get brave and tell them about my fears.  “Oh just say affirmations or ask God to help you.”  I’d hear.  That hurt. Why? Because no one knew how often I did this.  I’d beg God to take this fear away.  I actually didn’t know what was wrong with me.  I thought someday I would lose control and get locked up someplace.  This was in the 1960s. 

Another time I was sitting in the middle row amongst people listening to a lecture I was interested in but I felt so trapped I felt like I needed to run.  My hands became clammy, I couldn’t concentrate on the talk, and I just needed to get out. But I didn’t want to bother anyone and I felt glued to the seat.  A friend told me to just excuse yourself, get up and get out. I didn’t know how. It was too scary. I haven’t put myself back in that position since.  I always sit on an aisle seat. 

Later I was watching the Phil Donahue show in the early 70s and there were people talking about having the same symptoms I did.  I was so excited to know there was a name for it and I wasn’t crazy after all. Dr. Hardy was a pioneer in treating Agoraphobia. 

Next came an article in the Good Housekeeping magazine about it and having self-help groups where people with these fears could help and support each other.  We didn’t have anything like this in Palm Beach County where I lived at the time so somehow I started one and facilitated it for a year.   I won’t go into the details but it was way out of my comfort zone.   I went through hypnosis, talk therapy, Primal Scream therapy and everything helped.   I’m now working with Emotional Freedom Technique – Tapping and it is very helpful.  I’m still not doing some of the things I would like to be doing but I am better.  I eat in restaurants and I can go to meetings if I want to. I don’t obsess so much about the physical symptoms that I feel but I have tapping and other tools to use.

I didn’t mean to go into this so much because this is about how people don’t seem to know what to say that is helpful.  Instead they try to tell you what to do and they can be very critical too.   Yes I tried positive thinking, meditation, affirmations but what I was actually doing was trying to cover up fears that were buried and suck it up.  It did work sometimes but mostly I felt like a loser and I was actually mad at my body.  I actually had therapists tell me how lucky I was that I felt pain when I tried to do something scary. I didn’t understand that until I got into Emotional Freedom (EFT).  Now I thank my body for trying to protect me.  When we get pains it is for a reason.  Being gentle with myself and thanking my body is much more helpful than being mad at it and tensing up.

From this I hope I’m more compassionate with people. I don’t tell them what to do or put them down for their pains.  Instead I ask them how it feels, listen with empathy and many times people feel safe enough to cry and let their feelings out.  I am so honored when they can share their vulnerability with me. 

Blogging Day 8 Mistaken Identity

 Mistaken Identity

My mother didn’t know who I was. When I was born she treated me as if she owned me. As Alan Cohen writes in his book, Dare to Be Yourself, “Like an eagle, we have suffered under a case of mistaken identity.” Mother taught me about fear. I learned them well. I forgot that I was a magnificent individual born with a purpose. The teachers told me I was dumb. They didn’t realize what a magnificent soul they were talking to. The kids called me quiver lip, harelip and ugly. One little girl named Selma said she’d be my friend when nobody was around but wouldn’t like me when the other kids were there. I was so desperate to be liked, that I let that be okay with me.

For years I tried to fit in so I’d be liked. I obeyed and smiled, was patted on the head and told what a good girl I was and oh so sweet. I liked that so I became even sweeter and would go out of my way to do things for people whether I wanted to or not.

I remember one Christmas dinner my aunt asked me to run upstairs to her room and get her cigarettes. “When will I be old enough so I can say no?” I asked. Her face stopped smiling as she answered coldly, “Never mind, I’ll get them myself.” I learned not to speak up for fear of disapproval.

When did I wake up? There were signs when I’d talk to Rev Mary L Kupferle, the minister of the Lake Worth, Florida Unity church. I’d write letters to her and tell her how scared I was and how I didn’t fit in. She would remind me that I didn’t have to follow in my mother’s footsteps. I loved Mary Kupferle and she let me write the program for her Wednesday noon service. She even paid me to type one of her books for her. She saw some of my greatness. I was so amazed when I read her obituary that she and my mother were born the same year. What a difference between two women.

My friend Ed caught a glimmer of who I was. He was the kind of friend who looked straight into my eyes as I talked and really heard me. One day we met in a Sundry store downtown Lake Worth, Fl. I showed him that one of the stories I’d written was published in a magazine that was on the shelf. He picked it up and walked around the store showing it to everyone who came in, telling them that I wrote it and pointed to me. What fun that was! We took our raggedy Ann and Andy dolls to the mall one afternoon and had them talk to people walking by. Some liked it, others scowled while some ignored us altogether. Ed and I were kindred spirits on some level. His birthday was the day before mine. I miss Ed and Mary and hope they greet me when it’s my turn to pass over.

Bernie, my husband tells me I can do it and when I was doing tarot readings at Duffy’s Sports Bar he’d tell me he heard people say they loved my readings and how good I was. He likes to brag about my talents and he has encouraged me. I’ve been blessed having him as my help mate.

When I joined ThrivingNow, Rick Wilkes and Cathy Vartuli saw my greatness. They encourage me and Cathy often says, “You Rock, Jean!” As I’ve been working with them using Emotional Freedom Technique EFT-tapping, I’ve learned to love myself even when I felt stupid or unworthy. Rick and Cathy tapped on these feelings with me during our calls and in private sessions to help me release those unworthy feelings and to love that real, vulnerable person I really am. I can truly say I love myself no matter what. It is not saying I am perfect because no one can be, but to love my humanness, my spirit.

Whether or not I actually fulfill my reason for being born, my potential remains to be seen. Maybe I am fulfilling it now as I write, teach and help people find their own wonderful selves. Maybe that’s what my life is about – courage despite traumas, love despite bullying and glimpses of freedom despite the heavy lessons of fear. Like the eagle, I say Jean Maurie, come forth and claim your true identity and soar! Be one with that great mind that created you and everyone else! Let the resurrection begin!

Why Does it Feel like Everyone's Getting on My Last Nerve?

We’ve heard a lot about road rage on the news lately. What is going through someone’s mind when they get upset about being cut off by another driver? Or why does the other driver cut someone off? What has their day been like? Did their boss yell at them? Were they recently fired? Did they get in a fight with their wife at breakfast? We’ll never know. But often other people’s reactions affect our own.

What if you’ve had a sleepless night and you are in a grumpy mood? Or what if you’ve been up all night with a sick child and have to go to work the next day? Will your worry and tiredness leak out all over other people in the office or will you snarl impatiently when you call customer service about some problem? Or will someone else’s mood affect yours? Why do our moods and angers affect others? It’s because we, as humans were trained to be alert to dangers to keep us safe. When we were tribe members and a lion or tiger approached we’d all be on alert. We had to be or we might be in danger of being eaten.

Believe it or not, we still have a lot of this in us, trying to protect us from being hurt. So when our boss yells we feel it even if he’s not yelling at us. Or if I get frustrated at the way the letters don’t appear right away when I try to type something on Facebook and I pound the keyboard with frustration, my husband hears me rage. What’s it doing to him? It certainly can’t feel peaceful. Yes, sometimes I rage because I’m human and that’s when I realize I need to stop and tap to release the frustration energy and calm myself down. When we care about the people we interact with on a daily basis, so we feel upset when our friend calls and tells us that they had a fight with their partner. We’re unhappy when our son calls and says he got fired. And it can upset us when we hear a news story about someone who was bullied, who we don’t even know. The good news is that we can change our reactions and our emotions! “Really”, you ask? “How?” We can Reprogram our Primitive Brain. Yes, really and it isn’t all that hard.  Honest!

Here is what Rick Wilkes wrote. “And it’s not as hard as it sounds. I can teach someone how to write a simple computer program in 5 minutes. Cathy and I together can teach you how to start reprogramming your primitive brain in no time! And if you give it just 20 minutes a day worth of time and attention, for a few weeks, you will have developed a skill that is even more valuable than being an expert computer programmer.”

I took this course last year and even though I will still get frustrated from time to time, it doesn’t last as long nor is it as often because I have the tools to use now and can stop and tap. I can even laugh at myself for my humanness but even better, I don’t beat myself up anymore when I do act human. I used to be ruled by anxiety and panic attacks. I don’t get them as much anymore. Sure, I feel anxiety and energy rising within me but I know how to calm my primitive brain and sooth it. I have much more control than I used to. So would you like to feel calmer, more in control and happier? If so, I invite you to join me to Reprogram Your Primitive Brain. Join me? Yes I’m going to take the course again because I found it so valuable that I want to go through it another time and anchor all that I learned the first time. "You don’t have time, you say? You don’t know how? “Of course not. Your primitive brain is likely stressed from never feeling like it can take a break. We know how to shift that. “I can’t do this on my own!”

Of course not. No one can. It’s why Cathy and Rick will be there to make it as easy as possible for you.

If you’re tired of being an infectious agent of negative emotions… if you’re exhausted by being triggered by the negative emotions of others… at least check this out. Why? Because for Cathy and Rick, it is their mission to bring this awareness to Light. When we all learn how to detect that someone is “in their primitive brain” we can each respond in a healthy way rather than a reactive way. We can offer a hug or help… and not join in the battle.

The world has enough battles going on…

We want to co-creative safe, healthy, loving connections. That requires a shift out of the primitive brain into the whole of the body-mind.

It’s an honor that individuals from 77 countries have already taken this program with us. It’s making a difference. We want this idea to spread… and we want peace and confidence for each and every person… and for YOU.

Let’s do this together! You can sign up here:http://www.thrivingnow.com/primitive-brain/

With love and support," Rick & Cathy and Me too

P.S. We invite you to share this with others in our tribe. Thanks for spreading the word! P.P.S. The program closes Friday at midnight. If you are devoted to this kind of change in yourself and the world, do sign up now.”

Wouldn't it be nice if life was more like this?

Someone sent me a link to this in my thriving now forum. I got thinking about it and wishing life could be more like this and less of a struggle. Of course it could be boring if life was like this every day. But if you find yourself struggling you can imagine pushing this in your mind and hearing the sound.



Wishing you an Easy Day today ♥♥