My Life Purpose, What's Yours?

Day 10 Write about a Dream you Once had that you let go of and where did that lead you?

Gosh this feels heavy.  "What am I going to write about?" I wondered, as I pondered my life.  I could write that I wanted to be an Airline stewardess way back when but they wouldn't accept anyone with facial scars, thinking they were caused by an airline crash - plus I was too short. Then I thought about how I wanted to live and work in New York City. But mother told me if I left home before I was married she'd hire some strong men to come and bring me home.  At that time I didn't realize I had any power.  Oh yes I wanted to be a nurse until I was in a hospital elevator with my nurses club and smelled ether. I had a humongous panic attack from all the ether I had been given as a kid during my surgeries.  Another dream out.  So where did all this lead me?

I've mentioned in other blogs that I had PTSD from all my surgeries and not being allowed to express my feelings and a big school phobia that turned into agoraphobia. So I would say my search for healing led me to an interesting and fulfilling life.

Agoraphobia

 Okay so I started searching for ways to feel safer and less afraid.  I went every week for hypnosis which helped me relax a bit more. That was working good until they wanted to drug me.  I told them no and got dismissed.  I tried Biofeedback and it was one of the first times that I ever really felt totally relaxed.  Actually I had to relax to make biofeedback work.  I would love to have one of their machines to practice with now.  I went through 3 weeks of intense Primal Scream therapy and lost my fear of losing control and being locked up someday. That was promising but it was not practical to be primal screaming all the time, especially when we lived in my mother-in-law's guest house apartment to help her with the property.  So I had to close off some of my emotions again.  

I founded the Agoraphobics Anonymous in Palm Beach County back in 1978 with the help of a group from Miami and the local Mental Health Association.  I facilitated it for a year until I knew it was time to move on.

During this time a friend was studying Astrology. I really didn't know much about it and he offered to do my chart for me.  I got so interested in how there were so many different combinations of charts.  It was fascinating and showed me why some people are certain ways and other people see the world in other ways.  He also pointed out things in my chart that showed why I felt the way I did.  And he said a window of opportunity was coming for me to grow and get out more socially.  He said the window wouldn't close but if I used the energy it would make it much easier. So I did and started taking classes in Astrology.  My teacher also used Tarot cards and I got interested in how they worked and took many classes about reading the cards on many levels.  

I loved the idea of Angels and Guides helping us so I was playing around on AOL and typing in angel names.  I found Angels Love You which I grabbed and have kept ever since. I got it as my domain name and created a web page and a page on Facebook using it.

I have since discovered Emotional Freedom Technique where we tap on the acupuncture points expressing exactly how we feel instead of trying to push our feelings down and covering them up.  When people go through traumas their instincts are to Flee or Fight, but when they can't do either they Freeze.  There are many kinds of traumas and even little ones that go on and on can turn into Post Traumatic Stress.  Like someone who is afraid to go to school every day and no one believes she is afraid but thinks she is just being naughty.  When she isn't listened to then she can develop physical symptoms like headaches or stomach aches.  I experienced this myself and have read where children were taken to the doctors for this and they don't find anything wrong so they force them to go to school. It would be better if the child was listened to and the parents or doctor tried to find out what they are afraid of so they can release the fears or learn to use tools during fear/anxiety episodes.

I am going to share with you a video that Karin Davidson teaches a child how to use EFT for anger. 

Here is another video by Brad Yates helping a child acknowledge her fear and releasing it.






I am so glad I've gone through all this so I can help people.  It is one of my greatest joy in life to help someone feel better about themselves, to be able to acknowledge how they feel instead of putting on a happy face when they are suffering inside.  I have heard to "Feel the fear and do it anyway." But that is the hard way.  Yes there are many ways to work through feelings.  I honor this and can only say what works for me

Of course affirmations can work after we acknowledge our feelings and meditation also works.  (You don't have to clear your head of all thoughts to meditate either). 

I also call in my angels for myself and even when I'm tapping I call in my angels to help me release the stuck emotions. After a session with a client we pull an angel card or two.  It is so cool that the card that appears always is the perfect card for what we have been working on.  

Look, it worked again! Look at the card that fell out as I was shuffling asking for the perfect card for this blog.

"A dream come true! Believe in yourself. The end of a difficult situation."  Isn't that what the blog for today is all about?  I just love these cards and how the angels help us.

Out of control Anger

Have you ever felt so angry you just wanted to smash everything in sight, tear up a room, take a baseball bat and break something?

I have.  I felt like that recently after feeling overloaded about other things and was told that Microsoft was going to update my windows 7 laptop to windows 10 whether I wanted it or not.   I was furious.  It felt like such an invasion of privacy.  It was all about boundary issues.  I understood that.  But it felt like someone had knocked on my front door, pushed themselves in and said I had to use their stove whether I wanted it or not.  That would be illegal. Why isn't microsoft's pushing windows 10 on us illegal too?

Is this freedom?

I was so angry I couldn't stop myself.  I sat there crying and saying, "I don't know how to stop myself from feeling this way.  Yes I tapped, I cursed, I screamed and I kicked a cabinet off it's hinges. I called on my angels for help. Then I felt like I couldn't catch my breath and I got scared.  This kind of anger is definitely not good for me or anyone else.  I felt bad for my body and decided to use the Ho'oponopono prayer asking my body to forgive me.

I'm sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you.







I found out later that there are ways to prevent Windows 10 from downloading into my computer.  I know this was not earth shaking but it pushed all my boundary and fairness issues.

I don't ever want to get this angry again because while I was in the midst of it I realized how someone who was over stressed or had boundary issues could get into road rage and worse.

Even though I'm troubled about the intensity of this anger and ashamed for kicking and breaking a cabinet I choose to love and accept myself and all my feelings.

I was posting about my anger and someone posted a link about an anger room.  What a great idea, to have a place where people could actually let off steam and break things if they had to.

http://theweek.com/articles/475575/anger-room-new-way-blow-steam-after-work

I will work on this part of myself and heal it.  I feel vulnerable even admitting this much less posting it.  

Have any of you felt this kind of anger and if so, how did you handle it?  I'd love to read your comments.  

Thank you 

How Do You Want to Feel?

Five days with sporadic internet outages!  I phoned my internet provider daily, got apologies, work order numbers and promises.  I told them I needed my internet to be working on Thursday at 1pm because I was the host of a radio show and was told, "Oh yes it will be working."  But I had an uneasy feeling, rightfully so.  I called Maggie, my co-host and asked her to run the studio as host, which she did. I logged on as co-host and just as I suspected, my internet went down during the show again. At least I was able to interview our guest on the telephone.  

Not sure if you know but I am a big proponent of Emotional Freedom Technique and tapping.  But on the 3rd day with my internet going up and down, being totally unreliable, I was so angry that tapping didn't help much. But I tapped anyhow because I knew I was getting a benefit somewhere in my body. But I wasn't feeling less angry.  My husband suggested we get out of the house for awhile and see if our new friend who owned a farm had any silver queen corn. Bernie called him and he had four ears left that he would save for us so we drove over to his farm. As we drove I kept asking myself, "How do I want to feel?" I was still furious about the internet outage because I was paying business rates and it was almost impossible to run an online business without being able to get online.  

Tapping Points

I touched each one of the upper tapping points saying, "how do you want to feel?"  I began feeling calmer and I started focusing on the trees with their beautiful green leaves. I began noticing how many different shades of green there are on the different trees.   I focused on smelling the fresh air coming in the car window.  The sun was shining, I am healthy, I have a loving husband, we have a home, money to buy food and life is good.   I am so blessed to have learned the wonderful question, "How Do You Want to Feel?" From my coaches, Rick Wilkes and Cathy Vartuli.   How do you want to feel has helped change the way I look at problems, it has been a stress reliever and I don't stuff my feelings like I used to.

When we got to the farm, he was no where to be found but that was okay because we weren't in a hurry.  We saw a bag with the corn waiting and I looked at the rest of the vegetables he had in the baskets.   The fresh yellow squash was so beautiful so I bagged up some.  I'd been buying lots of fresh vegetables and making soup for the winter.  Here are some of the beautiful tomatoes he had for sale.

I decided to take some pictures with my cell phone because it was such a peaceful place to be and I continued feeling blessed.

The farmer's name is Mr. Lance and he had been inside eating lunch and didn't hear us pull up.   He is a native of this area of North Carolina and had some interesting stories to tell. We pulled up some chairs and enjoyed listening to him.  I also liked how he had this book that he wrote all the purchases down and then added them up with a calculator.  No credit cards, no electronic devices.  How cool and down to earth!

I wanted to  feel better - calm and happy instead of angry and it worked.  Here are some more beautiful pictures on the farm.

Another wonderful benefit of tapping and asking myself how do I want to feel is that I don't get the old stomach aches I used to get when I was upset and frustrated.   I don't get as many headaches or backaches either. No I'm not perfect yet and I still have more to learn and practice but I feel very blessed. 



To learn how to become less stressed, more relaxed and happier visit my web page and if this speaks to you, book a reading with me. 

http://www.jeanmaurie.com/

Love, Jean Maurie