Thirty Blogs in 30 Days - Day 30

 April 30, 2021 I've blogged every day with a fabulous, creative group of bloggers from Effy's Blog along.  The last time I blogged with the group I struggled what to write about. This time was much easier and more fun.  I would like to continue daily blogging but will I do it alone? I don't know.  I have a feeling it will be easier not to.  Yet this wasn't difficult.
Thank you Effy for providing this for us. I've enjoyed reading the blogs and writing them.

In six days I turn 85.  That's 595 in dog years.  As a child we had no televisions.  We listened to stories on the radio and made up the pictures in our heads. 

  When we picked up the phone to call someone the operator said, "number please" and we had to give her the number we wanted to call.  Our phone numbers were 3 digits.  We had a party line too, where if we picked up the phone to call, the person on the party line might be talking, so we had to hang up and wait our turn.

I lived through a lot of wars and have noticed war has not brought us closer to peace.  Wouldn't it have been wonderful if all the war money had been spent to make this world a better, safer place.  Maybe someday people will wake up. I remember the air raid sirens going off and we had to turn off all the lights and pull down the dark drapes.  My aunt was an air raid warden and would go out when the sirens went off to do her duty whatever that was.

We survived polio through vaccinations.  We survived measles, whooping cough, mumps, chicken pox and now Corona virus! 

I don't have a bucket list.  An astrologer said I would live until my middle 80s.  I'm not afraid to be dead, I just hope I die easy.  My husband is 30 days younger and our astrology charts are similar.  We both have Pluto opposition Pluto. Many people don't experience this because it takes Pluto 248 years to orbit the sun.  So the astrologers aren't sure what we're in for.  Ha ha.  Neither am I.  It does mean complete transformation.  At the same time I have the planet of quick changes - Uranus next to my Taurus sun.  Taurus does not like changes and this Uranus loves shaking up things.  I know what it means but not how it will play out in my life.  Luckily I'm curious.

I took to the computer, the internet like a duck takes to water and I am so glad.   From a childhood with no tv to an old lady enjoying social media, being on zoom, cell phones, online games - what a trip!

What's been my purpose on earth? I'm not sure.  Bravery, courage, my silly sense of humor, showing love, inspiring others, hopefully?  

I have over 60 years of filled journals.  The ink has faded so I can't read a lot of it.  I'm trying to figure out what to do with them.  Keep or toss? I've felt both strongly at times but they're still here. Maybe I should keep them and blog them.  Hmmmm, I don't think so... maybe bits and pieces?

I just found a check my grandfather wrote to someone in July 1917.  

What's next?  I doubt if I'll see world peace in my lifetime.  I believe in reincarnation and if you think about it, the people who didn't believe in Global warming could come back to live in another body in the middle of the aftermath.  

Ok folks that's all for today.  Thank you all for posting your blogs. I've enjoyed reading them. Thank you for commenting on mine.

Hugs and remember your angels love you now and forever...

I Can Be Happy When - Day 9

 

I saw this on Facebook earlier and thought, This is my blog for day 9.  

All my life I've been waiting for this or that to be here and I would be happy.  

Or if I just take this next class and be certified I will feel confident enough to do Tarot, Astrology or Angel readings.  So I kept taking classes.

Then there was therapy! As someone who has had panic and anxiety most of my life I looked for ways to heal.

First there was hypnosis.  It helped.

Then there was Primal Scream.  I had to face some of my scariest moments there.

Biofeedback was next.  I loved it and learned for the first time what it felt to be totally relaxed. I'd love to have a biofeedback machine here.  Yes I do remember that delicious feeling.

Several past life therapies were interesting.  Did it help?  Not really but I'm glad I tried it.  Yes I would do it again if circumstances presented itself.

I had several talk therapy sessions that were ok.

Now I work with Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT Tapping) and I would say this has been the best along with meditation and visualization.   Do I still have anxiety and panic?  Yes but nothing like I used to.  

I will be 85 in May and I am learning more and more to be in the NOW.   If someone asked me where do I see myself in 6 months or 5 years I would just smile.  I don't have any long term goals and it is quite freeing.  

This morning I woke up at 3:30 and my mind started racing about the what if's.  The appointments that I put off because of staying isolated are coming.  Our 2nd week after our 2nd shot will be this Tuesday.  There are things we need to do that we put on our waiting list are facing us.  Not bad stuff, just stuff.  I could feel my body tensing as all this rolled around in my thoughts.  Then I remembered some of what I've learned.  

Why am I thinking about things that are in the future when now is the only time I have.  I closed my eyes and asked myself as I mentally tapped, "how do you want to feel"? Then I did my slow deep breathing and said, "Relax, let Go and let God.  Next thing I knew it was 7:30!  

Can I do this always? No.  Sometimes those ornery voices in my head won't shut up but often they will.  

I'm Blogging every day during April with a group of other wonderful bloggers.

http://effywild.com

Can We Let Go as Easily As the Leaves Release From Their Branches?

I love fall.  When I was a child I dreaded it because I had a school phobia so I don't think I even noticed the beauty of the leaves changing colors. I was raised in the north, then we moved to Florida and we didn't have a real fall down there.  There were signs including hurricanes and the weather got a little cooler.  But as time went on and fall rolled around again I began wanting to experience it again as an adult.  So we took a couple of trips to Tennessee and North Carolina.  I was 50 before I saw a mountain and as we drove toward them I teared up.  "Look what God made and then she painted them," I thought.  An old hymn began playing in my mind. 


Now that we are living where there are four seasons I've been enjoying fall again.  Each time I see the leaves swirling off the branches I think about how easily they let go.  We don't see trees screaming "No I don't want to let go, I want to stay on the branch."

We don't see branches pushing reluctant leaves off.   It all seems to happen just the way it's supposed to.  Yes there are storms that make the wind blow hard and many leaves fall at the same time.  But usually the leaves have their own beautiful dances.

So why do we have such trouble letting go?  Why can't we release our hurts and fears from the past as easy as the leaves release themselves from their branches?  I know there isn't just one answer to this question.  I've read and heard through my astrology courses that it is harder for some signs to let go than others. Could that really be true?  I am an Earth sign and my moon and sun are fixed.  I have had trouble letting go and when I heard that I thought, Ah so that's why.  But is that only reason?  I'm sure psychologists would have a field day with this subject.

What do you think?  Let's discuss but with love and gentleness.
In the meantime watch this video and think about what you'd like to let go of and how might you do it?  What techniques would you use? Meditation,  Eft tapping,  therapy? What has worked for you or hasn't worked?  You can post comments here on the blog or underneath it on Facebook.

I Confess - Day 4

They were the magazines our mother's didn't want us to read. So we hid them under things and read them when we were alone, under the covers maybe or at a friend's house?

These were the Confession Magazines. 

I wanted to write stories for them so I signed up for a Confession Writing Course from the Writer's Digest School. I was so excited when my course arrived in the mail.

I didn't own a typewriter so I borrowed one from Mother. All was going well until she found out what I was writing. She insisted I return her typewriter saying, "God doesn't want you to be writing those stories!" I was livid!  But I didn't let her stop me.  My husband was a typewriter repairman and he found me a good deal.

Typing handwritten Confession stories

I sold my lesson that I'd written for class! I remember getting the letter of acceptance in the mail! I was so excited!! I went on to sell about 20 more stories in different magazines.

Some of the magazines that featured my stories

Unfortunately the Confession magazines don't exist anymore. But since we sold all rights we can't sell them again. It would be nice if the publishers released our rights back to us. I'd like to put them into an ebook and sell them again. But I could write more if I wanted and self publish if I wanted. Those were fun times and I moved on to other interests like Astrology, Tarot and Angel Cards. Life isn't boring.

57 Years of Journaling Day 3

I've been journaling for over 57 years! I started writing in 1962, just before John F. Kennedy was assassinated.  I have all these journals in notebooks dated and many pages numbered.  I'm sure writing in them helped me heal a lot but what do I do with them now?  

I was so sure I was going to shred them and it felt good.  But I had 2nd thoughts.  My son and Granddaughter said they wanted to read them but there are over 15 filled notebooks.  When would they have time?  Are they that interesting?  I wish my mother, aunt or grandmother had written journals and passed them on to me.

I was quite agoraphobic back then and wouldn't eat in restaurants or travel.  I had panic attacks trying to go to church or meetings.  I got somewhat better but much of my pain is on these pages.  During one of my astrology readings,  it was suggested I get rid of these journals so I could release the energy of my past. 

Why am I still holding on? What do I think will happen if I get rid of them? The free shredding truck will be at the park soon. 

Do I think I'm going to write my memoir? Do I need to know what I ate for dinner January 28 1971? 

If there are any other long time journal writers reading this, I'd love to hear your opinions.