I Can Be Happy When - Day 9

 

I saw this on Facebook earlier and thought, This is my blog for day 9.  

All my life I've been waiting for this or that to be here and I would be happy.  

Or if I just take this next class and be certified I will feel confident enough to do Tarot, Astrology or Angel readings.  So I kept taking classes.

Then there was therapy! As someone who has had panic and anxiety most of my life I looked for ways to heal.

First there was hypnosis.  It helped.

Then there was Primal Scream.  I had to face some of my scariest moments there.

Biofeedback was next.  I loved it and learned for the first time what it felt to be totally relaxed. I'd love to have a biofeedback machine here.  Yes I do remember that delicious feeling.

Several past life therapies were interesting.  Did it help?  Not really but I'm glad I tried it.  Yes I would do it again if circumstances presented itself.

I had several talk therapy sessions that were ok.

Now I work with Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT Tapping) and I would say this has been the best along with meditation and visualization.   Do I still have anxiety and panic?  Yes but nothing like I used to.  

I will be 85 in May and I am learning more and more to be in the NOW.   If someone asked me where do I see myself in 6 months or 5 years I would just smile.  I don't have any long term goals and it is quite freeing.  

This morning I woke up at 3:30 and my mind started racing about the what if's.  The appointments that I put off because of staying isolated are coming.  Our 2nd week after our 2nd shot will be this Tuesday.  There are things we need to do that we put on our waiting list are facing us.  Not bad stuff, just stuff.  I could feel my body tensing as all this rolled around in my thoughts.  Then I remembered some of what I've learned.  

Why am I thinking about things that are in the future when now is the only time I have.  I closed my eyes and asked myself as I mentally tapped, "how do you want to feel"? Then I did my slow deep breathing and said, "Relax, let Go and let God.  Next thing I knew it was 7:30!  

Can I do this always? No.  Sometimes those ornery voices in my head won't shut up but often they will.  

I'm Blogging every day during April with a group of other wonderful bloggers.

http://effywild.com

Grocery Shopping at Home

 Years ago when I experienced agoraphobic at its strongest I dreaded grocery shopping.  But we needed food.  Hubby was working and I couldn't expect him to work and shop too.  So I'd force myself to go even though I never knew when I'd have a debilitating panic attack.   Forget standing in line!  Grocery shopping or any other shopping tired me out for days.  I wished I could buy groceries for a month and never have to step into the store for weeks.

Eventually with therapy and coping tools I learned I did get better, although I've never been one to enjoy going to malls and shops. 

Fast forward 55 years...  Hubby has been retired for many years and we grocery shop together.  I actually enjoy it now - or did until the Covid-19 pandemic of 2020 arrived.  We are up in years and have been advised to stay out of stores and stay home.   It's been nine months now.  For a while we shopped as early as possible after the store opened to avoid the crowds.  That's when they had special hours for older folks and those who's health has been compromised.   But the virus started spreading faster, more people were catching it and truthfully I didn't want to go anyplace. I'm not scared of dying but not of this virus.   So a friend, who had been shopping online for awhile, guided me how she does it.  At first the idea really didn't appeal to me because I like to see what I'm ordering. I didn't want someone else picking out my fresh fruits, meat and vegetables. Truth be told, I was really skeptical.

At first I tried a small pickup order after learning how to order online. That was the fun part ordering groceries on an app on my ipad.  We did the pick up and whoever did the shopping was very good.  The vegetables were nice and my order was just what I would have done myself.

After another pickup I discovered the store offered a 15 day trial for free delivery.   I read some posts by others who were not happy with their experiences, some local and others national so my skepticism spoke up again.  But some were really happy with it.

Surprise surprise, it was a wonderful experience!!!  I signed up for a year for free delivery at what I feel is a very reasonable price.  Now I'm hooked!  After we shopped we were both worn out for the rest of the day.  But with free delivery all we do is bring the groceries in, wipe them down and put them away.  I sit in my recliner and order our food and have it delivered.  What a joy.  I would have loved this 55 years ago.  After the pandemic is over I intend to continue to shop online and have our groceries delivered.  Sure I might go the store for some things like fresh cooked fried chicken. I'm really missing that.  

I just hope that being isolated for so long won't trigger more panic when we are safe to go back out.  If so, I do have more help than I did in the past.  

I belong to a wonderful Emotional Freedom Tapping group Thriving Now.   I've learned so much about emotional healing and freedom here.  I also use meditation.  The App Calm is good for calming with breathing and focusing on the now.   I belong to an agoraphobia group on Facebook where we help each other with understanding and not feeling so alone.